Misadventures and Misdirection

I had hoped to share a whole bunch of useful information I gleaned at the inaugural San Diego writer’s festival but the Fates were not on my side.

The morning started out perfectly; get up with the alarm, write my morning pages in 30 minutes or less, a quick breakfast (my thoughtful daughter had laid in a supply of my favorite Greek yogurt and fresh blueberries), get dressed and be on my way.

The problems started when I pulled out the slacks I’d packed and realized how dangerous it is to leave my packing until the last minute.

Packing in Advance From Now On

I have two pairs of black slacks which look a lot alike but are in two different sizes. Unfortunately, in my haste, I’d grabbed the smaller ones. The last time I’d tried them on I couldn’t even squeeze my tuchas into them (on the bright side, I can now squeeze into them, the operative word being “squeeze”). “No problem” I thought. “I’ll find the nearest Kohl’s and use the gift card I won last weekend.”

A quick search of the area showed nothing even remotely close to my route. So I scratched that idea, put on a pair of shorts and ran out the door thinking I’d grab coffee near the venue. (More on that later). As it turned out, I was infinitely grateful for the shorts instead of the black slacks when I spent the first hour or so standing outside, often in the sun, sweat trickling down the back of my neck.

Google Maps Led Me Astray

On my way with plenty of time to grab coffee and make it to the 10:00 session, Google Maps decided to take me around in circles (or so I thought). I kept fighting with it and refusing to turn the wrong way down one-way streets until I finally got to where I thought the entrance to the parking garage should be. It was there I discovered I should have trusted Google Maps (except for the wrong way turns) because the garage entrance they wanted us to use was one street over and marked with a 3-story sign that said “Park”. (clearly a ‘duh’ moment for moi)

As I was already late for the 10:00 session I decided to try for coffee. Unfortunately the two places closest to my destination were overwhelmed by the higher-than-expected traffic so the wait time was more than my caffeine-deprived brain could tolerate (little did I know, there was a highly efficient Starbucks half a block before the entrance to the parking garage. By the time I stepped inside for my delayed caffeine fix, I’d passed it several times in my car and once in foot. But boy did that latte taste delicious! The caffeine buzz was almost worth the wait.)

Frustrated and Caffeine Deprived

So now I’m frustrated, dressed inappropriately (at least in my mind), and I have no idea where the rooms listed on the schedule are located. The library might have had a map but I never found it. (Lesson learned. Next time I scope out the venue and learn where the rooms on the schedule are well before my arrival)

Finally found my way to one session but I got there late and had to stand. Needless to say, I slipped out when the Q & A session started. My knees aren’t fond of standing these days, though they’re happy to dance for hours.

I found a place to sit and tried to map out the rest of my day but couldn’t find the sessions I thought I’d seen online except for one at 3:00 (it was only a 12:00). Instead, I found a cute little kabob place a few blocks away (yay for Fitbit steps!) where I tried to read my memoir from a critical perspective (and failed miserably. After all these years I’m still too close). I discovered it’s still very hard for me to do that, and in fact, I’m still brought to tears when I re-read my words.

Writers Helping Writers

But before lunch, I did have an interesting conversation with Thomas Larson whose name I’d heard mentioned as a good resource for memoirs. I’ll have to do more research and perhaps buy one of his books at some point in the near future.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, not only from this experience, but from many others, it’s that things don’t always turn out as we planned, but that’s OK. Maybe I didn’t get to see people I wanted to see at the Writer’s Festival this time, but I did have a couple of interesting conversations, and am considering returning to San Diego once a month for one of the writer’s group’s meetings. There are two in particular I know I’d find helpful: San Diego Writer’s Ink, and San Diego Memoir Writer’s Association. ( put myself on both their email lists).

Memoir Do’s and Don’ts: Really?

There are a number of perspectives on how a memoir “should” be written. In the end, I think we have to follow our own hearts. Sure, I’d love for Life Torn Asunder: Healing After Suicide to hit a best seller list somewhere but not for the fame and fortune (though of course I wouldn’t turn my nose up at it). I want it to be successful because I believe deep in my heart that people who have lost someone to suicide need to hear from real people that they can and will heal, but that it takes a lot of soul searching and, more importantly, reaching out to others and not pretending to be OK.

I also feel very strongly that the way we treat Mental Health in general needs an enormous revamping. Sure, there are a few commercial spots out there encouraging us to view Mental Health as being no different from Physical Health, but I’ve seen the campaigns in various forms too many times. They rise up for a bit, especially after high profile suicides, then people lose interest and the spots disappear from TV and radios once again—until the next high-profile suicide. I touch on this repeatedly in the current iteration of my memoir.

Asking the Wrong Whys: A Mini Rant

At just about every seminar and event I attend where someone speaks about memoirs, one of the first questions asked is “Why are you writing this memoir? Who is it for?” I’m beginning to find the question offensive. Do they ask this question of people who write a novel? Another work of non-fiction? A graphic novel? A screenplay? Not that I’ve seen. (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong).

I wrote the bloody thing because I went through a truly horrific experience not once, but twice, and came out the other side whole and maybe even better for having lived it. I learned people everywhere go through shit, and often don’t give themselves the credit they deserve for surviving and thriving. I’ve also learned people who experience something as stigma-ridden as suicide need to know there are lots of others out there who understand and relate to the pain, the guilt, the frustration, and even the fear which surrounds the experience. I’ve reached a few of then with my blogs, but believe (maybe naively) I can reach so many more with my vulnerable and honest account of how I, myself worked my way out of the depths of despair and managed, with a lot of help from the friends I finally learned to let in, that there’s hope, love, and forgiveness on the other side of the walls we build around ourselves.

I learned we need to break those walls down because until we do, nobody can reach us, and real healing can’t begin. And I learned we, the suicide survivors have to be the first line when it comes to changing attitudes about mental health. We have to blow the doors off peoples’ misconceptions so those who are struggling can feel safe asking for help.

If those aren’t good enough reasons for those who ask the question, I make no apologies.

{Stepping off soap box now}

A Dearth of Information, An Amazing Event

At any rate, I wish I had more to share about the amazing event Marni Freedman, the San Diego Central Library, and a host of others put on for the writing community today, but Mr. and Mrs. Murphy took control and redirected my attention. Still and all, there were people who took the time to talk to an as yet unpublished author like me, offering direction, resources, and most importantly, their time. Thank you to all who were involved on any and all levels. If they do it again next year, I’ll be back, hopefully better prepared and a lot less thwarted. (caffeine at the ready!)

 

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About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.

Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Life Torn Asunder: Rebuilding After Suicide”.