Finding My Way Home

As many of you know, I attended my first writers’ conference Presidents’ Day weekend. I’d be lying if I didn’t confess to a fair amount of trepidation. After all, I’m a self-proclaimed hermit and introvert. Going someplace so people-y, and knowing not a single soul was daunting at best. I’d gotten over the biggest hurdle; making the commitment. Now I just had to follow through, right?

What I came to realize as the weekend went on was that this place, this writing community, these people were home. They understood my lack of people skills and reticence towards meeting knew ones, of stepping way outside my comfort zone, and gently led me past what, to my surprise, were no pitfalls! All weekend long, people would come up to me and introduce themselves with variations on “I saw you at the memoir workshop. I’m so-and-so”. I’m sure I had that new kid sheen which made it clear I was a first-timer.

An Ego-less Encounter With Like-Minded People

I also noticed a distinctive lack of hierarchy. From many-times published author, to editor, to publisher; instructor, organizer, and staff; everyone was on a remarkably equal footing. Not one single person lost sight of how they’d been where the greenest of us were at one time, and in fact, they were happy to share their peril-filled journeys to save us from some of their most painful lessons. I’ll certainly find a few of my own to stumble over, but if nothing else, I know now I’m not alone. Even the greatest of them all, the most revered have gone through rough times on the road to publishing their first books.

I learned we all face challenges both birthing our work, then altering it under the guidance of editors and fellow writers. We all have days filled with despair, but also, ultimately, days of elation. With our words we can take our readers on emotional roller coasters, but at the same time, get them off their own for a little while.

A Little Research Led to the Perfect Critiquer

The woman I’d chosen to critique the first chapter of Forgotten Victims turned out to also be the instructor for the memoir workshops, much to my delight. She gave me incredible insight in our 15-minute session, but it was only a taste of what I got from her workshops. She runs groups in San Diego, and I’m sorely tempted to drive down, or maybe hop the train to attend one. To my amazement, I moved her to tears more than once as I shared my story, and then gained clarity.

Through her guidance, I’m beginning a new chapter, so to speak. I wrote a new first chapter for my memoir and created a timeline of significant life events. I’ve re-thought what actually triggered my writing in the first place, and it wasn’t what I’d thought at all. She also showed me how my story could appeal to anyone who has experienced loss, not just by suicide.

A Change of Focus and New Conversations

I have a habit these days of talking things out to nearly anyone who might listen before I actually put fingers to keyboard. Right or wrong, it’s become my process.

As my new starting point is, not my mom’s death, but when my daughter Heather started verbally preparing me for a life alone with my cats, my current conversations involve the empty nest syndrome, especially with people who understand how drastic that can be as a single parent.

In short, the conference gave me a chance to meet and connect with some amazing, insightful, caring, supportive people, but it also gave me new insight into the story I need to tell. I wrote the draft as things happened, and as I changed. Now I need to create a chronology, then tell it around things which molded or impacted me on the journey from closed in, miserable wreck of a human being to someone who learned the value of vulnerability, the comfort of community, and the never-ending gift of compassion.

The Writing Community: Everything a Community Should be and More

The community also pointed out the value and outright necessity of writers’ groups, and accountability and critique partners. I have a better idea of why the one I was in no longer worked for me. But it was the late night Read and Critique sessions where I learned just what characteristics I needed to look for in those partners and groups. It was there the sense of community, the supportiveness, and the power behind a mass wish for success can be. Over wine, cookies, chocolate, and a community united by our love of writing, we came together to listen, encourage, help, and cheer each other on.

Which leads me to the next point of amazement. I found the writing community to be much like the dance community in that people of all ages and backgrounds come together on equal footing. I felt equally comfortable with 20- and 30-year-olds as I did with people my own age. In some cases, the younger people had it together far more than I do, but in all cases, they were intelligent, insightful, and well-spoken. I’ve come to expect that from my daughter and her friends, but learned the hard way it isn’t so for all from her generation. The writing and dance communities have shown me that those who do have such qualities will gravitate towards each other, ignoring age and generational components except as they add dimension to the mix.

What’s Next?

The next #SCWC (Southern California Writers’ Conference) will be held in Irvine September 21-23, 2018. Logistically, I don’t know right now how I’m going to make it happen, but something tells me, I’ll find a way. I haven’t felt so inspired or encouraged since I began this journey in May of 2009. I’ve been telling myself this is my year, but the people I met and continue to interact with via Facebook have me believing like never before that those dreams can and will become reality sooner rather than later. Nothing would make me happier than to share my story with a wider audience who might benefit from the lessons I’ve learned and the pain I’ve managed and used to my advantage on the roads where this lifetime has taken me.

Post-conference, each day is a virtual pep talk, and I’m loving the energy!

 

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She is available for article writing and ghost writing to help your website and the business it supports grow and thrive. Her specialties are finding and expressing your authentic self. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.

Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Forgotten Victims: Healing and Forgiving After Suicide”.