Recognizing My Lack of Commitment
Time and time again, I’ve tried to start my day earlier, ensure I get to the gym 3 times a week, and walk every day. Lately, I’ve been struggling and in fact, have been failing on all three counts. I know it affects my work as well, and in fact, have fallen about a week behind on that too. Thankfully, I have Morning Pages to drag all the subconscious thoughts and blocks out in the open. They helped me realize the single obstacle to everything I do, and what I’ve lost in the last couple of months as momentum has ground to a near-standstill. Commitment.
I realized as my pen flew across the page that the commitment I’d had for myself and all I do was flagging, and if I didn’t do something soon, it would disappear completely. I’ve worked too hard to learn how to commit to myself, to put both healthy and productive habits in place to have it all fall apart. I can look in the mirror, or at my Medium account and see how well those habits have served me.
But healthy and productive habits don’t survive in a vacuum. They need to be nurtured, honored, and encouraged to grow and expand. In order to get myself on track, I realized I needed to somehow remind myself what and who I’m working for, so I decided the best way to do that would be to make a list of daily and weekly commitments, and post them prominently. The vision board in my bedroom is the perfect location as I see it when I get up, when I get dressed, and every time I wander into the room to pet the cats who invariably take up residence there while I’m working.
Daily vs. Weekly Commitments
I decided to break it into two parts for now: Daily Commitments and Weekly Commitments. I’ve 
learned to start with baby steps before trying to take the giant leaps, so larger commitments which could be categorized as monthly or yearly must wait until the smaller steps have once again been instilled in my schedule with no room for slippage.
Some of the things I have on my Daily list include:
- Get up by 8 every day
- 20-30 minute walk
- Write
- Morning pages
- Make the bed
The Weekly list includes:
- Go to the gym at least 3 times
- Write and schedule 3 blog posts
- Weekly writers’ group
I tried to think of more things to put on these lists, but realized less is better for now. Monthly commitments are also swimming around in my brain, but in truth, the weekly commitments depend on successful completion of the daily commitments, just as monthly and yearly ones will follow when daily and weekly ones are firmly in place again.
Motivating by Committing
The funny thing about committing to myself is I find more time and motivation when I know I have to get certain things done. Without a clear path, I meander along, stopping to look at a pretty flower, or watch a lizard skitter across a neighbor’s lawn. I lay in bed just a few minutes longer—which usually becomes an hour or more. I check emails every 10 minutes when every 90 is perfectly adequate. Worst of all, I languish on Social Media.
That isn’t to say there isn’t value with using Social Media wisely and selectively. But getting into long discussions and rehashing things until they’re a diluted, convoluted mess isn’t the answer. Recently, I even placed a moratorium on some of the groups I follow which carry a strong emotional charge. I had to step back as I was becoming too hot-headed about the issues, and losing my clear, rational focus. (some might say it’s still missing, but the issue doesn’t affect them directly so they don’t understand why it’s a major issue in my life right now.)
Thanks to the ADD that sends my brain off on random tangents, I’m also able to hyper-focus. When I do, I get an amazing amount accomplished. My goal right now is to tap into that aspect of it, and give the crazy, easily distracted part something to sink it’s teeth into while I get my life back into a rhythm of productivity and healthy activities.
Giving My ADD Brain Some Structure
My daughter explained it really well. She said she likes to get homework and projects done as 
soon as possible because there are days when she can’t focus at all, and can’t risk procrastinating because, invariably, that lack of focus will hit when she is down to the 11th hour.
Thinking about it, I can see her point. There are definitely days when I find it impossible to settle down to anything. I’ll pull 4 books off the shelf, read a few pages of each, and put them all down in frustration. I’ll turn on the TV and flip channels because nothing captures my attention. I’ll wander around the house, but don’t really feel like doing anything. It’s a strange kind of ennui that nothing I can think of will ease, yet I can’t even bring myself to get dressed and leave the house, though a change of scenery is probably the balm I need to grease the gears in my brain.
Perhaps that’s why I’ve been so hard on myself about getting blog posts scheduled, client work jumped on as soon as I have most of the details, or at least enough to get started, a month’s worth of Medium posts scheduled in one sitting, and chapters of “Sasha’s Journey” edited and uploaded. Though I get behind periodically, I know I’ll look at the past due items and tune out the world for a day or two to get back up to speed.
In a way, I work in fits and starts, but putting due dates on my tasks, and having them on Trello has given me the focus I need to stay committed to myself, even when I slip for a little while. I’ve learned it’s OK to slip on my commitments to myself for a bit, but at some point, I have to pull up the old boot straps and point my nose back in the right direction. Though I’ve always been good about committing to others, the last 6 years have taught me those are hollow, passionless commitments if I’m not honoring commitments to my own health and well-being first.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
