A Successful Life Isn’t Build on Anger
Have you ever found yourself consistently ending up with bosses or clients from hell; with co-workers who’d as soon pull the chair out from under you as work with you if there’s nothing in it for them by doing so? Did you go from one job to another, only to find it was a case of same story, different day? How long did it take you to figure out it was you who were attracting the same kind of people; the same kind of environment time after time? Did every interaction stir your anger, leaving you feeling mean, hurt, and frustrated?
It wasn’t until I took a good, hard, honest, non-judgemental look in the mirror before I figured out the world was not a harsh, unforgiving place. I was. I carried so much anger and self-loathing around with me, I drove away all the sunshine, and attracted only dark clouds, and people sporting similar baggage to myself. Until I cleared out my personal junk room, and disposed of the ugliness which was entirely self-directed, I found myself in an endless loop of jobs, and employers I hated.
Even when I decided to go off on my own, so if nothing else, I didn’t have to go into an office full of people doing their best to undermine each other, I felt adrift, and even completely in irons for a couple of years. Like all dreamers, especially the ones stuck in nightmares, I eventually woke up, looked around me, and started recognizing the story lines which kept repeating. By then, I’d already made some inroads into the self-loathing issue, so I knew I deserved better. I had to find a way to let go of the anger and love myself instead.
Know Your Demons
The first step towards solving any problem is to identify the cause or causes. The brutal honesty I’d always directed at myself was happy to point a finger at the perpetrator, but took some time to excavate far enough into the past to find the root cause. My family’s natural inclination to hold a grudge until the end of time was, if not the source, the crux of my problem. the trouble was, I’d made myself the target of most of the grudges in my life.
Rooting out the anger with myself over failed relationships, inability to measure up to my parents’ standards, and all the marks I blamed myself for missing hasn’t been an easy process, nor is it one that has a predictable completion date. It’s become more of a series of mantras reminding me I’m not my past, nor have I done as bad a job as my damaged psyche wants me to believe. Most of all, I didn’t, and don’t deserve the healthy servings of abuse I dished out daily until I finally said “Enough!”.
All too often, you’re your own worst enemy, and most enthusiastic critic. A little gremlin inside you wants to give every reason to think the worst. It gives no credit for accomplishments, either large or small, but slip an iota, and the transgression explodes into a lifetime of bad choices, and selfish behavior. Only you can take away the gremlin’s power, and send it scampering away like the vermin it is.
Daily Reminders
Begin by admitting you don’t deserve abuse…from anyone. It’s equivalent to recognizing the problem because chances are, you, too are your worst abuser. Next, you need to find ways to cut out the self abuse, and replace it with affirmations that build you up instead of tearing you down. I started with something silly, because a smile on my face did me worlds of good when looking for qualities in the face in the mirror instead of flaws. I still use it every so often, if only to remind myself of how far I’ve come:
I’m beautiful, sexy, sassy, and delicious!
Nowadays, I offer myself reminders every morning when I write in my journal. I include at least one affirmation, and one intention to begin my day. Sometimes, they’re broad, while others, they’re more specific. Either way, I encourage myself to be and do my best with the day ahead. It’s the critical piece I lacked most of my life. I grew up believing I was never going to be enough, no matter how hard I tried. In fact, affirming I am enough has taken me through a lot of rough terrain, as well as rooting out and burning a lot of the old garbage I carried around until it was a putrid, stinking mess.
Regardless of how long or often you’ve been told or shown you were lacking, the only person who can truly give you back your self-worth is you. Maybe you bought into the lies because, like me, they started when you were very young. That doesn’t mean you have to continue believing them at your expense. You have every right to tell people who are bent on dragging you down to their own level of misery to take a hike.
Chipping Away at Self-Destructive Patterns
Admittedly, a lifetime of believing you’re unworthy is a hard pattern to break. You have to want to break the chains of misery badly enough to go through a fair amount of loneliness, and pain to make it happen. Or the Universe might give you a not-so-gentle shove like it did me.
I assure you, the last thing I’d have wished was for my parents to end their own lives in order to break generations-old chains, and release me from self-destructive patterns. Though I still managed to resist creating a better life for myself for the better part of two decades, release from the expectations of the two people I worked hardest to please provided space for me to begin a process I’d build on for the rest of my life.
The road to a special kind of freedom where my own choices weren’t questioned at every turn, and where the path before me was chosen for myself, and not to please others hasn’t exactly been paved with roses. It needed to challenge me though. I’m a stubborn cuss on my best days, and when things are too easy, I get bored, and don’t see the value in continuing a journey that seems like little more than putting one foot in front of the other.
Focus on a Single Step
Yet isn’t that really where your focus should be? Not on 100 steps ahead, or the mountain in the distance you may have to climb, but on the next step you take. Once I’d pounded a few rocks into sand, forded a river or two, and finally, got out of my own way, I learned to appreciate the simplicity of focusing only on the next step. Part of my process was unlearning the rule that said anything worth having required hard work.
I’ve replaced that tired, old adage with one which states what’s worth having requires persistence, and consistency. If it’s worth having, you have to stick with it, even when it seems like you’re making little to no progress. The slower moving times are there for a reason, as are the ones where you feel like you’re doing everything you can to stay afloat in a snow melt fueled river. It’s the slower times that give you the tools, strength, and energy to ride out the wild, crazy, white water rafting excursions.
When you feel exhilaration as well as exhaustion, you know previous experiences have been worth any pain or agony, any impatience, or regret. You’ve grown. You’ve learned. You’ve progressed. Best of all, you let go of all the pent up anger, and allowed yourself to grow into the amazing human being who might have, for a little while, gotten buried under a pile of rubble only partly of your own making.
Show Gratitude for Every Little Thing
My gratitudes today are:
- I’m grateful for the roadblocks I figured a way around by myself.
- I’m grateful for the people in my life who challenged me to forge my own path away from their expectations and beliefs.
- I’m grateful for the hard knocks that forced me to stand up for myself, and when I did, to never look back.
- I’m grateful for the pain my parents endured so I could grow stronger, and more independent.
- I’m grateful for abundance; love, opportunities, challenges, lessons, joy, sorrow, strength, support, friendship, ease, peace, harmony, balance, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.
Namaste
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
