Resetting the Paradigm of Strong vs. Weak
The strongest people I know aren’t the ones who never break a sweat or let you see them falter. They’re not the ones who are completely self-sufficient and never ask for a helping hand.
The strong ones are those we’ve grown up believing are weak; the ones who show their feelings or admit they don’t know it all. They invite others to join the party, even if it’s a working party because they are comfortable admitting someone else might just be able to do it better.
People like Brene Brown are finally pulling back the curtain on our misconceptions regarding strength and vulnerability. They’re showing us we need to be perceived as weak in order to truly be strong. And it takes an incredibly strong person to be able to do that, especially in today’s environment where there are people ready to pounce if you give them an opening.
Strength in Numbers
So how do you keep from getting run over if you’re showing your softer side? It’s simple. If you 
let people help you; if you form teams and communities, your strength comes from your support system. You don’t have to hold the world up all by yourself. There are people who are ready to shoulder the load when you’re tired and need a break. Teammates take some tasks completely off your plate, leaving you free to focus on what you do best.
Some folks are around for muscle, others for expertise in a particular area, and some are there to nurture everyone else so they can get their job done without excessive down time. Everyone is important. No job is too small or insignificant. If you happen to be the nurturer on your team, you’re doing it because you love it, you’re good at it, and know your team is stronger for your presence, much less your efforts.
Wherever you fall on your team or community’s continuum, you’re there because you’re important to the whole, and because you know how to both give and receive. You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not because you’re perfect the way you are.
Knowing If You’re Following Your Purpose
OK, so some of you reading this haven’t found your place yet. Maybe you need to ask yourself a few questions:
- Are you being honest with yourself about what you love to do?
- Are you only in it for the money?
- Are you spending too much time pretending to be something you’re not because you think it’s expected of you?
- What are you doing when you’re filled with joy and purpose?
- How often do you ask for help with things you find challenging?
- Are you surrounded by people who give and take, or do some act like they have to be in control all the time, no matter what, and no matter how many people know they’re going down the wrong path backwards?
We could certainly go into a dozen different directions from here, but my intention is merely to get you thinking about who you are and what you’re doing. If you answered “yes” to question number 3, you might be heading for a deep, dark rut, if you’re not there already.
The biggest mistake I ever made in my decades of life was trying to be what someone else thought I should be. I spent years twisting myself into a pretzel trying to please my mom. I did the same for boss after boss until one day I realized there was no way I’d ever please anyone, including myself if I continued down the road I was following.
Having the Guts to Change Things Up
But changing is scary. We’re led to believe conforming is the only way to succeed. We’ve heard
“suck it up”, or “do what you’re told and don’t ask questions” so many times we start believing it’s our only option.
Here’s what I taught my kids, even while I wasn’t taking my own advice.
Learn the rules so you’ll know which ones you can bend, and which ones you can break. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should or should not be or do. Even me. It’s your life, and your choices. But it’s also your consequences. You won’t always choose well, and that’s OK too. That’s how you learn.
My daughters may not be the easiest women to get along with, but neither am I. However, when you’re true to yourself, you start attracting people who can accept you the way you are, and in fact, would rather you didn’t try to please them.
Just as it’s exhausting to try to shape and mold ourselves into what we think others want to see, it’s equally so to watch someone we care about hiding the best part of themselves because they mistakenly believe it’s not what others want to see. Here’s a little truth for you:
Sometimes You Just Have to Pack Up Your Shit and Move On
If the people you’re with aren’t comfortable with who you are, you’re with the wrong people. The right ones will not only want but expect you to be genuine and not hiding behind walls and masks. Leave the costumes for Halloween. You’re an extraordinary, unique individual. You do yourself and the world a disservice by trying to hide your uniqueness. You short-change your friends; your teammates; your community when you pretend you’re strong and always together while you’re breaking into a million little pieces inside.
I’ve got news for you, nobody is strong enough to keep a facade in 
place forever. Eventually, cracks start to appear. Sure, you can hide yourself away, but think of all the wonderful things that aren’t getting done because you are the best person to do them. You’re hiding because you don’t know how to ask for help to get over a rough patch, while someone is waiting for you to ask for help. They need you to need them.
Don’t Believe the Lies: Strong and Vulnerable Are a Matched Set
I think some of the biggest problems in the business world today can be found when people confuse strength with invulnerability. All that gets you is ulcers or migraines, and a whole lot of loneliness. I know. I’ve been there. The best thing I ever did was leave that place and learn to let my whole heart out in all its messy, vulnerable glory. Since then, I’ve attracted some of the most amazing people into my life, I’m doing what I love, and I’m on nobody’s timetable but my own.
Do I stumble? Do I fall flat on my face? Sure. All the time. But before I’ve hit the ground, there are at least three people there to help me up, make sure I’m OK, and send me on my way with, at the very least, moral support and the conviction that my tumble was only a minor setback, and probably a course correction.
Your Heart Knows the Way
So next time you’re feeling like a round peg in a square hole, take a look around and see if your 
tribe is anywhere near. If not, you’ve drifted off course, and maybe need a tumble to get back on course. Lead with your heart, and you’ll never go wrong.
How are you letting your beautiful, vulnerable self shine? How has your life changed since you stopped being someone else’s idea of perfect? Leave a comment and tell me how you’re doing. I want to know!
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, 
but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Life Torn Asunder: Rebuilding After Suicide”.
