Sometimes Your Voice Finds You
Finding your voice is every writer’s challenge. Yet there comes a day when you realize, not only have you found it, but you can’t not write your own voice, as long as you’re writing as yourself. I qualify this because I’m finding it also directly impacts my ability to ghostwrite.
Immersing myself in the character of me, now that I’ve discovered who that is, is as simple as putting my fingers to the keys, or putting pen to paper. In finding myself, I’ve also learned how to immerse myself in someone else’s essence, thus becoming them while I’m writing words to be published as theirs.
Writing lots of words is only part of the process you need to find your true voice. The rest is developing an almost brutal honesty about who and what you are, where you came from, where you’re going, and what you’re truly passionate about. In other words, you have to take a deep dive into your own psyche to pull out all the uniquely faceted gems that are you.
Searching for Your Voice: A Perilous Road
You don’t come through the process unscathed, so it’s not for the faint of heart. You have to dig
up parts of yourself you’ve buried for a reason. You must sift through the dust and pebbles for smaller bits; broken bits. It’s a lot like assembling a jigsaw puzzle with millions of pieces and no picture to show what you’re supposed to wind up with. Some pieces have been broken in two over time, and others were scattered and need to be located at some point in order to complete the puzzle.
But the truth is, you’re not meant to complete the puzzle that is you. Instead, it’s meant to grow and evolve. Part of that evolution is the process of sorting through the pieces to determine what to keep and what to discard because it no longer serves you. Some of the pieces are lessons which caused you a lot of pain. You want to skip past those, tossing them away without looking too closely, but like a train wreck, you’re inextricably pulled back to look closer, and yes, to feel the pain again. Only by reliving some of those moments will you understand why they happened and what you’re meant to take away from the experience.
Learning to Be Honest With Ourselves
Like a lot of people, I stashed many of my pieces away in what I believed were impervious boxes. It hurt too much to think of the losses, the humiliations, the betrayals, and the abandonments. I saw no purpose to revisiting the past and reliving my most unpleasant experiences.
Writing my memoir, re-reading it, editing it; I revisited painful moments time and time again. I cried buckets of tears for the woman who’d missed out on so much of life because she chose to stuff all her pieces down inside, and ended up hiding from herself. But while I was processing that women in fits and starts, I kept writing, and out of the ashes of a life lived hiding from myself, I slowly found those pieces coalescing and forming the person I was meant to be, and the voice I was meant to find and embrace.
When I started reading an article by Kaitlyn Johnson about writing the synopsis for my memoir, the one sentence which stood out was this:
Here’s the hurdle most writers struggle with: voice. While many agents or editors won’t immediately scrap a synopsis if it only sticks to the details—leaving out the mesmerizing, storybook tone—voice will always matter.
Clearly, finding and using your own unique voice whenever you write, even a synopsis of your longer work is as important as finding a unique sound for a singer. If we don’t rip off the masks and show who we are underneath the veils and walls in everything we write, we’ll be just another singer in the chorus.
Finding a World Which Wants Our Authentic Self
It’s funny, because years ago, I had a co-worker say:
You’ll either love Sheri or you’ll hate her, but you’ll always know where you stand.
At the time, I was just starting my divorce, and my mother was still alive and making me crazy. I was insecure as hell and working in a world where my unique and wonderful self was being stifled. I was being encouraged (not always kindly) to tone myself down and fit in with the corporate culture. I was starting to believe the horrific lie about only getting ahead and climbing the corporate ladder if I conformed. It’s where the self I was already clinging to with all my waning strength started to slip out of my weakening grasp. I lost that self for decades.
It should come as no surprise that with the exception of dry, business-like messages and papers, I did no writing for many years. I suppose that kernel of myself who lay buried deep inside couldn’t bear to write anything dishonest and inauthentic, so it hunkered down and tried to save what was left.
Our Authentic Self is Stronger Than We Think
I’m grateful the seed survived and was ready to sprout and grow when I cast aside a belief system that was never my own. When fear drove me out of my self-imposed isolation, slowly at first, but with increasing momentum, I was able to resurrect that being who’d learned to believe she wasn’t good enough. Life had beaten her down until she tried everything she knew to be like everyone else, and failed. Each time, she fell harder, felt more discouraged, and wondered why she couldn’t just be happy being what others expected.
Now that I’ve found my voice, I realize being what others expect was never part of my purpose or plan. I simply needed the courage, not only to accept I’m different, but to embrace it, celebrate it, and show the world I don’t give a damn whether they like who I am or not. And I realize the man who was one of my earliest influences was absolutely, unequivocably correct.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, 
but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Life Torn Asunder: Rebuilding After Suicide”.
