Today was a day of organizing, then relaxing to try to ease a backache which had plagued me most of the day, then about 3 hours of intense activity while I made the week’s meals, cleaned out sandboxes and put out the week’s trash.
What completely baffles me is that when I started doing the chores, I had been half falling asleep, but after jumping around for the last couple of hours, I find that I’m now nearly as wired as I am after a night of dancing! The only time exercise doesn’t seem to wire me instead of exhausting me is when I actually get one of my gym workouts in (which, obviously, I did not tonight). Driving home, knowing I should go to the gym, all I could think about was how much I needed to get done tonight and how much my back hurt! So, the gym lost, but back is feeling better and chores are done. I don’t have to scrounge for something to eat tomorrow as it’s all neatly stacked on the bottom shelf in my refrigerator and it means I eat healthy for the rest of the week!
But this isn’t what I intended to blog about tonight (as if I ever intend to write anything and manage to adhere solely to that intention!). I saw a graphic tonight which tied in so closely with a conversation I’d had with my daughter last night that I knew it had to be part of tonight’s post.
I don’t recall the full conversation, but the gist of it was that I had not raised her to conform with other people’s beliefs and expectations. Thinking about it and the cattle prod that’s been poking at me for years to find a way to follow my passion, I realize that I was ill-equipped to raise a child to conform anyway. I’ve always been a misfit, occasionally trying to fit my round peg into their square hole, always with results deemed unsatisfactory by both sides of the equation. I finally realized, a few years back, that I was meant to not fit into anyone’s idea of normal.
I was meant to have my head in the clouds and my feet loosely planted on the ground. I was meant to see pictures in the clouds which were nothing like what anyone else saw. I was meant to drop into my super conscious and let the words come out in whatever random, haphazard fashion they might wish, and rearrange them into some semblance of order once they were all out.
And I was meant to raise daughters who were free thinkers, stubborn, opinionated and out of the ordinary. That is just who we are. Doing something for the sole purpose of pleasing someone else just isn’t in our nature. When we do something, it comes from the heart and, though pleasing someone else might be secondary, it’s a lot more meaningful because we are doing it from the love in our heart rather than the obligation of our mind.
But it isn’t just me. Most of my friends are what I might call “quirky”, as well. But what they really are is very interesting people who couldn’t be boring if they wanted to. They look at life from their own perspective and don’t expect validation because they validate themselves.
I think the need for acceptance is what drives people to try to do and be what others expect. Though there was a time when I needed outside acceptance, I’ve finally discovered that once I fell in love with myself, that’s the only acceptance I needed. That self-love allows me to just be true to myself, and as a result, I’m a more genuine person to others.
I lived a lot of years, watching my mother put on different faces for different situations, never really knowing who the true woman I called “Mom” was. To this day, I don’t think I know who she truly was!
Unconsciously, this further stimulated my need to be my own person first, and accepted by people, only if it was right for me and them. If not, we can still be friendly, but that wonderful, electric connection isn’t there.
I’ve accepted that I am not going to connect with everyone and, in fact, there are quite a few I out and out rub the wrong way. They don’t get me and I don’t get them, but what I do get is that it is quite all right that we are running at cross purposes. Both of our purposes are important, and there’s nothing that says our purposes have to mesh.
I treasure that individuality in myself and I treasure it even more in my friends because that’s where I get to learn new things! Maybe the fact that I spent my early years in the 60’s when individuality was valued and praised. I took that influence with me through life. It hasn’t always been an easy road I’ve chosen for myself, but it’s always been, if not interesting and enjoyable, at least it’s been challenging and I’ve learned a lot!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for people who accept us for our differences.
2. I am grateful that I don’t feel the need to conform.
3. I am grateful for my quirky, unusual, always interesting friends.
4. I am grateful that I’m finally winding down from my cooking and cleaning frenzy.
5. I am grateful that I’m one day closer to achieving my heart’s desire.
Love and light.