We’ve marched through the first month of the year with wild abandon, it seems. The Chinese year of the horse is looking like we’ll be going at a gallop for awhile now.
Although my time is my own and I can plan things as I see fit, I still feel, in some ways, like I’m already behind. I can’t seem to focus for long stretches of time, so I find myself farting around instead of doing what I ought.
Sure, the laundry gets done, the healthy meals get made, and I clean up after myself right away (which for those who don’t know me, is highly out of character!). My poor cats have no sooner walked away from their dishes in the morning, than I’ve picked them up and washed them! Not to mention the fact that I no longer show them any consideration should they be laying on the bed when I’m ready to make it!
But to sit down and start editing my book, or put in a solid 8 hours working…it just isn’t happening right now!
Which doesn’t mean I’m just sitting and vegging. I don’t seem to have the patience for either television or reading at the moment! The fact is, I’m easily bored, and can’t seem to find anything to occupy my attention! I’m beginning to think that the night I felt weird energy while dancing, and was later told that it was the second Super Moon, New Moon of January, was when things really began going downhill fast!
I can do mindless things like cooking and cleaning with no problem. But to set myself a task which requires concentration and mental acuity? It’s not quite a lost cause, because I can force myself to focus for an hour or two at a time, but it is certainly not what I want to be doing.
So what is it I want to be doing? I haven’t a clue! I’m playing mind bender type games on the computer or reading articles or half setting up things like Google Voice, Fiverr and Mosaic hub. But even those are halfway done. I can’t think of a decent voice mail message for Google Voice. I am lacking a description of what I need from customers on Fiverr and don’t even get me started on Mosaic hub.
I keep promising myself I’ll get to a writer’s group meeting and that hasn’t happened either!
In all fairness to myself, I did get a decent amount of billable work done in January, and already have a few hours for February, but the rest of the month stretches out before me like a wasteland I know I must traverse but…Look! Squirrel!
and then my ADD kicks in and I have to look at something, but by the time I get there, I forgot what I wanted to look at!
The cats aren’t helping as one or another of them is in need of attention ALL the time! Snowball has acquired the nickname Snoopy because he has to have his nose, not to mention his ever-growing body, into everything!!! I lost count of the number of times I put him off of my lap, today alone! Clearly, “no” is not in his vocabulary!
Meanwhile, Dylan just looks up at me and meows pitifully, when I know full well that I just filled the feeder yesterday!
What I’m trying to say as I ramble this way and that, is that this weird energy I’m feeling is not just about me. It does make me wonder what it’s doing to the rest of the people around me! Nobody else has really commented, which is why, for a little while, I believed it was all about me! But no, it really isn’t. I’m not alone here, between sixes and sevens. Or on that middle track that takes the knowing to Hogwarts.
I stepped away from this little diatribe for a moment to read the monthly power path update, as the site was down over the weekend. I didn’t find the one I was looking for but, instead, found the one for February. Talk about an “aha” moment!
The month’s theme is release and it will happen whether we want it to or not. Clearly, I’m fighting that release in some way and that is making me edgy and a little out of sorts, or, in truth, antsy as all get out and feeling like I’m spinning my wheels and accomplishing nothing! Guess it’s time to practice allowing again!!! In fact, I didn’t even take the time to meditate today! Ugh!!!
But tomorrow is another day and I will get up and moving early so I can take care of a few things before my monthly massage which, thanks to the reminder on my phone, I was saved from forgetting!
Which is another bizarrity as I NEVER forget my monthly massage!!! My world is surely turned upside down and soon I will find a bottle saying “drink me”! Woe be to me if I heed the label instead of my own good sense!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that this feeling of a topsy turvy world is really the new normal and not me losing what’s left of my mind!
2. I am grateful for the time I have been able to devote to getting things done. I know that having them out of the way will prove to be quite helpful as this crazy month unfolds.
3. I am grateful for a quiet house in which to let my mind run amok.
4. I am grateful for dance nights as they help modulate the insanity.
5. I am grateful for being able to get together with friends to dance, talk, joke and be.
Love and light.