I’m sharing an image and quote from a page I follow on Facebook, Zen to Zany, because it completely epitomizes what drives me to write, my blog, my book, brain dumps, whatever, every day (or nearly so!)
Without Joy in my life, I was a pretty miserable human being. I think, at times, even my kids didn’t want to claim me! Life is really an empty shell without Joy, and a heavy dose of zaniness. I think I learned this the hard way so that, in some small way, I could pass what I learned on to others, to figure out in their own way and time, just as I did.
So when my life is crazy or just doesn’t seem to make sense, I turn to things which do: cooking, organizing, dancing, writing, meditating…just to name a few.
Today I finally realized that for the last week or so I’ve just been spinning my wheels. I’ve done a lot of things in fits and starts and am only frustrating myself. So I gave myself permission to just let go for as long as I need to. In the meantime, I’ve gotten myself back to the gym, and if, for the time being, I go 5 days a week instead of 3, it certainly won’t hurt me! I am posting something here nearly every day. I make the bed every day, scoop the sand boxes, take care of other menial chores on a regular basis, and can do more organizing too.
If what I’m meant to get out of this strange, unsettling period of time is just a cleaner, more organized house and a leaner, healthier body, then, so be it. The whole point of changing my lifestyle was to stop trying to squeeze myself into a mold that no longer fit (if it ever really did), so why would I push myself to do things which, at least for now, just don’t feel right and are a huge struggle to accomplish even the slightest bit?
One of the items on my To Do list is to spend time allowing. Clearly, there’s a reason it ended up on my list! I might have to revise it to just say “allow throughout the day” or something like that.
On the dance floor tonight, I found myself drifting off into my own little world quite a bit. When I did, I’d feel a smile forming on my face because I was exactly where I needed to be. The truth is, we are all, always exactly where we need to be. At least, we are if we don’t try to paddle upstream. When we do, we feel uncomfortable and that’s as clear an indication as it gets that we are doing something wrong!
Tonight was also a night of interrupted conversations. While chatting with one friend, a gentleman who only shows up now and then asked me to dance and I love dancing with him because he challenges me to watch my form and pay attention. Later, I was chatting with someone else and he was asked to dance. Finally, one of the Cruisers came over and was talking to me. I sat through one line dance I could have done, but had to do the last couple. Though we were never discussing anything world shaking or anything, I found it interesting that I never went back to the conversations, nor interacted with any of those people again all evening. But I guess since we’re all there to dance, first and foremost, conversations are somewhat superficial most of the time, and as such, disposable when interrupted by dancing.
The conversations and wanderings in my own mind, however, just kept on going!
For the next few days, I can’t promise a daily blog. I’m just going to go along with whatever moves me and see if I get caught up in anything promising. I did do a tarot reading today, and found that it coincides with what I’ve written here as well. I have some demons to face and to accept that they’re really only illusions created by my own mind. Once I do, everything will fall back into place and I’ll see my path and my purpose more clearly.
I hope that my readers aren’t suffering this much confusion, but if anyone is, it might just be a good time to do some cooking or sewing, work in the garden, or whatever it is that soothes you, until these intermittent bursts of energy subside.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my dance friends who always get my mind off the silliness and back to what’s important.
2. I am grateful for changes as they keep me from becoming complacent.
3. I am grateful for my return to the gym. It’s an indication that I’m again ready to work on improving my health.
4. I am grateful for all of the blessings in my life. Even if I were to sit down and list them, I’d never come to the end of the list, as more keep appearing.
5. I am grateful for a life of abundance, love, health and joy.
Love and light.