I find myself going through spells where I’m not inclined to do a lot of anything productive, followed by periods of frantic accomplishment.  Like the ebb and flow of the tides or the cycles of the planets, my periods of action or inaction don’t seem to have a rhyme or reason on the surface, but further digging might just reveal a nugget or two.  This past weekend was kind of a mixture, partly influenced by the onset of the first migraine I’ve had in months.  Although it never reached the full-fledged stage, it was sufficient to slow me down for the better part of a day, and one in which I’d planned on accomplishing a number of tasks.  Thankfully, it was a 3 day weekend so I was able to fulfill my personally set requirements with the exception of one.  Interestingly, this spurt of activity seems to have perpetuated itself, with a very productive day at work, and the accomplishment and commencement of tasks I’ve been pushing off.  I am hoping that my mental and physical energies are aligning to allow me to accomplish a great deal in the coming weeks.

The financial end of my remodel seems to finally be coming together.  Now all I need is for the city to stop badgering my contractors with needless delays so we can get this project started.  I still have a glimmer of a hope that I will be making Thanksgiving dinner in my new kitchen, but it will take a lot of coordination on everyone’s part to make it happen!  On the bright side, the weather should be cooling soon, so the things stored in the Pod won’t be totally baked in the coming weeks. 

A friend posted a quote about strong women today, and it was timed rather well from my point of view.  All of the delays and small aggravations I’ve weathered are all part of the stew that has helped me to become what I am, and I notice some familiar lines…”I have known weakness so I can be strong…” for example.  I am grateful every day for the fact that my mother showed me this, in her own, dysfunctional way.  But I am still seeing her weaknesses, and not her strengths.  In truth, we are all a combination of both, as well as many other extremes.  The past few months have allowed me to see past the screen of negative emotions I had erected between myself and my mother’s memories.  Perhaps the next step in my healing and evolution will be to see the opposite extremes from those I have recognized and identified.  To see how the opposite sides of her also taught me to be the woman I am today.

Just as nothing and nobody is completely black or white, good or bad; we are also not completely strong or weak, shy or extroverted, brilliant or ignorant.  Throughout our lives, we are in a balancing act which, in a lot of cases is completely unconscious.  Just as we weigh options when we make a decision, we weigh our strengths and weaknesses when going through the business of life.  Just as we choose what to eat for dinner (Shall I have chicken or fish tonight?), so, too, do we choose which part of ourselves to use to our best advantage in a given situation.  The choice may occur over a long period of time, or it may be just a nanosecond in which our neurons fire, gather our previous experiences together and choose a direction on the basis of what worked or didn’t work in the past. 

The human brain is such an amazingly complex machine with capabilities far beyond the imaginings of even our most brilliant scientists.  In fact, if used to its fullest, the wisdom of the ages is as readily available as our own life experiences.

Now, there’s something to ponder!

Love and light.

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