I spent a lot longer unwinding from dancing than I should have so it’s way too late for me to be up, much less writing something intelligible.
However, I found myself pulling back into my personal bubble tonight, but have no idea why. I just know that I had a feeling of disconnectedness and it continued all the way home, and even as I sat and watched tv and cuddled kitties. The cats may well have sensed it as they all seemed to want to pile on and be very close to me, as if to somehow break me out of my unconsciously self-imposed shell. I had no reason to go into it, at least not anything I’m aware of. I suppose, like everything else, it will just have to play itself out.
I was talking to a co-worker today and he kept referring to himself as INFP. It sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it so I asked him. He told me it was a rating from the Myers-Briggs personality test and was really quite applicable to him. I remembered the test from my college psychology days and looked it up online. It’s not a long test so I took it and my result was INFJ. Upon reading the description, I found it to be frighteningly accurate, despite the fact that some of the yes/no questions could really have been answered either way for me. Even more interesting was that when I told my co-worker the result, he said he knew that’s how I would come out.
But the part I found the most uncanny was that it showed that I’m essentially an introvert but people find that hard to believe because of the way I interact with people. I’ve always insisted that I’m basically shy, but cover it well, and this pretty much confirmed it. So I subscribed to one of the sites where people of this, persuasion, I’ll call it for lack of a better term, post and interact. This personality type is the rarest of all, which also makes sense to me in some bizarre, twisted way. Although I don’t take the incredibly crazy difficult paths my daughter Jenni does, I have, in my own way, chosen the road less traveled more often than not. So it would follow that, like my eyesight, I’m in the smaller percentage of the population personality-wise as well.
No matter where I’ve gone or what I’ve done, at some point, I’ve felt like a round peg in a square hole, never really fitting in, and really, not having any great desire to do so. I enjoy others with offbeat personalities and find them a lot more interesting, if just for the unexpectedness of them. Nothing puts me to sleep faster than predictability. I have no time or patience for the social games inherent to the dating scene, but will sit and talk for hours with someone who has unique ideas or outlook on the world. I guess, in some ways, that’s similar to an artistic temperament, but I don’t really consider myself artistic.
At any rate, it gives me more material with which to figure out my world, and better still, to determine when and where I can step outside the boundaries in search of that place outside of my comfort zone where life begins.
Today’s gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful that I am even more unique than I’d realized.
2. I am grateful for the people around me who help me find and explore my uniqueness.
3. I am grateful for my cats who understand my moods, and give of themselves every single day.
4. I am grateful for dancing, even when my muscles and joints get tired and sore as all of these things combine with the joy I gain and remind me how very alive I am.
5. I am grateful that the day has almost arrived when Heather and I get to go to Go Fest.
Love and light