This weekend is my third A.R.T. weekend. I’m a little overwhelmed as the homework for this session was, in a word, massive! It was also enlightening as it forced me to look at myself, my patterns and where I am now in terms of personality traits and where they come from. But it was also the first time that practicing what we’re learning on others besides our classmates came into play. That has been incredibly enlightening for me as I am continuing to learn to trust my “gut” and just follow where it takes me.
I’m finding that there are people I’d like to offer a session to, even in the infancy of my training, because I see that they are distressed by something. But something holds me back and, for now, I’m going to trust that instinct because it is holding me back for a reason.
I am finding that, more and more, I don’t need to know the whys and wherefores of things. I don’t need to understand someone else’s behavior. I merely need to accept that the behavior is yours, and whether I react to it or not is my choice.
I spoke to a co-worker today who was concerned that my response to an email thread might come back to bite me. I explained to him that it really didn’t matter to me if people chose to react to what I said. I gave them my input on the topic at hand, and walked away from it. The decision on how to proceed was not mine to make, so it wasn’t really a concern to me whether they used my input or not. My only concern was that I fulfilled my responsibility by responding. Should another person choose to take issue with what I said, and run around like a headless chicken, that is their choice. Should there be backlash as a result of miscommunication, again, that is the choice of the individual engaging in the backlash.
My responsibility now is to seal myself off from everyone else’s reactions, and just go on about my business. And do you know what? It feels really good to not feel the need to engage. By not engaging, I’m not wasting my passion on unimportant and uncreative pursuits, but saving it for things which are more meaningful to me, and far more productive.
Just another lesson that has taken me far to long to learn, and will still require a great deal of effort to maintain. I guess this is the Weight Watchers of lessons. It took me a long time to reach my goal, but it is ever so easy to slide back into old, destructive habits. I must be constantly diligent and reinforce the lesson to ensure that I don’t drift back into old habits.
It’s really no different than my eating habits (which are better than they used to be, but still need some work) or my gym habit (which, right now, is back to the one which does me no discernible good) in that I need to monitor them every day and give myself encouragement for a job well done, when appropriate. Just because we give ourselves and attaboy, doesn’t make it any less meaningful or any less powerful. As far as I’m concerned, positive reinforcement is positive reinforcement, regardless of the source.
So, I say, stand proudly in front of that mirror in the morning and tell yourself just how special you are, just how proud you are of you, and best of all, how beautiful, sexy and delicious you are!
My typing is starting to look like I have a cat on the keyboard (must have something to do with eyes trying to drift shut) so I’ll cut this short and give you tonight’s edition of “The Five Gratitudes of Sheri Conaway, Inernet edition”.
1. I am grateful for wonderful nights of dancing and entertaining conversations with my friends.
2. I am grateful for the furry little faces who greet me at the door.
3. I am grateful for a busy week that went by extremely fast.
4. I am grateful that I will soon be horizontal, sliding into dreamland.
5. I am grateful that I am getting more limber lately. Must be all of that uncharacteristic cleaning!
Love and light.