I promised myself I wouldn’t do it, but I…just…couldn’t…stop…myself!
Remember how I said I was going to put my book aside, at least for a few days, until others eyes had a chance to see it? Remember how adamant I was about not looking because I knew I’d find fault and want to start rewriting again? Well, I didn’t listen to me. While I was waiting for my friends to arrive so we could go see Led Zep Again, I pulled out one of the boxes of printed pages. I got through the first couple of chapters and, not only did I find errors like using the wrong word, or punctuation, but I thought of ways I could make it even better. I knew this would happen, and I know that I will go through it again after a couple of people have given me their thoughts, but…all I can say is, it called to me. At least I resisted the urge to pull out a pen and start making notes on the copy! That’s something, right?
How do other authors do it? How do they keep themselves from going back over what they’ve written dozens of times? At what point do they say, “OK, I’ve gone through it exty seven times and I have to let it go now. It is as good as it’s going to get without working on it until the end of eternity.” Or, like me, do they just drive themselves crazy? Is it like getting over a relationship? The way to let go of one book is to go on to another? I’d sure like to know before I drive myself completely looney tunes over this one!
It’s not as if I don’t have a million other projects as well as another trip to see my daughter. It’s not as if I couldn’t spend the next three weeks just cleaning my house and yard. But even while meditating, it niggles at me, like a voice in my head that won’t be silenced. “Did you remember to put in the part that… What about those characters you mentioned. Did you ever expand on them? Is that really where you want to end it? Shouldn’t there be more violence?” And on, and on, and on.
So tomorrow I’ll keep myself busy with errands and such. I’ll try to knock a few more chores off of my to do list. And maybe, just maybe, I can give the book a week or two to cool before I light yet another fire under my poor, abused child!
Of course, I have those other voices telling me to finish the copywriting course and get to work on the website. Those voices tell me that I need to take a few more steps forward now instead of constantly going back to the drawing board. Which voices are right, and does it really matter as long as I find a way to move forward again?
Sometimes, when the road gives you too many choices, you can do one of two things. You can stand at that crossroads and worry and fret about whether this choice or that will be good or not, or you can close your eyes, spin yourself around, and just go in the direction you find yourself facing. The fact is, none of those roads is the wrong one. They’re simply different. No matter which one you take, you’ll eventually wind up exactly where you need to be. Some may take a little longer because they contain more lessons, while the easier ones might get you there sooner, but less prepared for what comes next.
Sometimes, it’s not so much the direction you take, but that you take a direction.
So this is where I’m at tonight. I need to take a direction and start moving. Stagnation is never pretty! Tomorrow morning, while I’m waiting for my car to be serviced, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing; looking at my choices and just picking one. I know in my heart that whatever I choose, I can’t go wrong.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have choices.
2. I am grateful for days spent with friends, music and fresh air.
3. I am grateful for my upcoming visit with my daughter and my grand furries.
4. I am grateful for inspiration which I know will come as soon as I stop trying to force things.
5. I am grateful for abundance; inspiration, motivation, decision-making, harmony, peace, joy, prosperity, work that feeds my soul, love, health and success.