I discovered today that sometimes, instead of struggling with a lesson, the best thing to do is ask for help.  Now, those who know me are aware that asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do.  So by posting my frustration with my inability to get past people who push my buttons and how I allow them to make me react, I inadvertently asked for, and received help from friends who read this blog.  Not only did I get some great ideas for working past my issues, I actually learned a different lesson in the process!  Asking for help does not make one weaker, in fact, it makes you stronger because you get the benefit of a whole different perspective and other brains to help work through a problem and make it a challenge you can succeed at!  And the Universe strikes again!

At any rate, a friend suggested imagining throwing handfuls of heart shaped confetti at those who make me nuts, not only at the time of nutso making, but every time they come to mind for any reason.  I tried this with the two co-workers and lo and behold, I found myself being very cheerful, but carefully guarded with them today.  In fact, while walking by one’s office, I offered a very cheerful “good morning!” and saw him almost choke on the sandwich he was eating.  I’m afraid I shocked him with my cheerfulness!  That, in and of itself is a major bonus!  So here’s to tossing handfuls of heart shaped confetti on anything and anyone which causes me even the slightest amount of annoyance, aggravation or stress!  Because with imaginary heart shaped confetti, the stress evaporates in, well, a cloud of confetti! 

On another topic, I had just about made it to the end of the day without another text from the ex-contractor when I picked up my phone to make a call around 7PM and found that he had, indeed, not gotten the message when I refrained from answering his last text.  Although he “gave me until Monday to change my mind because he likes me”, he has now waited yet another day to file for bankruptcy and is now offering to make a good faith payment of $2000 if only I will agree to get the state to unsuspend his license.  More heart shaped confetti was flung his way, even as I laughed at how, when he had the opportunity to make good, he didn’t, and now that he’s under the gun, it’s my responsibility to fix things!  It reminds me of the issue with my daughter, Jenni which cost me a 30 year friendship because I refused to fix something I’d warned her against doing in the first place!  Maybe I’m cold and unfeeling to these people, but the choices they make are for the purpose of learning lessons.  It is NOT my place to deprive them of those lessons!  In fact, I would be doing them a serious disservice.  It reminds me of the story of the man who snipped off the top of a cocoon to help a butterfly emerge, only to find that the butterfly came out malformed because squeezing out of the cocoon in its own time was part of what was required for it to be a healthy, thriving butterfly. 

That is not to say that I would refuse to help someone who was truly in need.  But when someone gets themself into a fix which they could have prevented had they chosen differently, then expects others to bail them out, I have to politely decline the invitation.  And many people have learned, to their dismay, that badgering me is the worst way to gain my assistance.  No, it’s the second worst, now that I think about it.  Lying to me is the worst!!!  Call me mean, but I just don’t respond to hard sell salespeople, liars or whiners.  Be straight with me, and I’m loyal as the day is long.  Otherwise, I’m sorry, but I’m just not your girl!!

I will be the first to admit that I am not the easiest person to have around, but I guarantee that I will, at times, shake things up and make those around me think! 

At any rate, I’ve added another step up on learning the lesson of allowing others to help, of asking for that help.  I’ve gained some insight into how I might keep my cool in not so cool situations, and feel really good about sticking to my guns with regard to what’s right.  I told my daughter tonight that, although I really want to get my money back, I won’t do it at the expense of allowing a disreputable person to get away with not fulfilling their obligations.  The terms of the binding arbitration which we both agreed to were that he either paid me in full within the stated time, or his license is revoked.  He utilized all of the delays available to him, from delaying the hearing for a month to using the 60 days between the decision and the suspension date, and now he’s used 60 of the 90 days they so generously gave him between suspension and revocation.  It is not my plan to thwart the due process.    However, I do wish him well, and hope that he is kinder and more honest with people after this.

One other thing I forgot to mention.  I learned tonight that one of the cousins I stopped hearing from after my Mom’s death is fighting what may be her last fight of a 7 year battle with cancer.  She is 11 days older than I am.  My heart goes out to her and her family, her parents, her two sisters, her children and all of the extended family tonight.  I wish her a minimum of pain, and if at all possible, a complete recovery.  I wish I had known sooner and might have sent healing energy to her earlier.  I realize that what I send now may be too little, too late, but I hope that, if nothing else, it eases some of her pain.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who recognize a request for help even when I, myself, don’t even realize that’s what I’m doing.
2. I am grateful for unique solutions to seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
3. I am grateful for my health.
4. I am grateful for a really great physical therapist who pushes me harder and harder every week!  I know that today’s hurt will become a much faster healing than I could have had on my own!
5. I am grateful for so many opportunities to learn new lessons and master old ones.

Love and light.

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