Between the tensions at work over the layoffs and driving home in the dark after work these days, my motor seems to be slowing down earlier and earlier.  On the plus side, I seem to be getting going earlier in the morning because the sun shines down on my face earlier as well. 

Motivating myself to eat healthy meals is getting easier, but motivating myself to get up and exercise is still not happening, except for dancing.  I am managing to do at least part of the exercises for my leg, no thanks to the kitties who think that mom laying on the floor means one of two things:  Time for attention or time to use her as a jungle gym!  Neither of which is conducive to getting my exercises done. 

But as one habit is now deeply ingrained, here I sit, an hour or so earlier than is my norm, diligently writing another post. 

I realized yesterday that I really do have to face reality and know that there are some things I just can’t change as they are beyond my control, so the only thing I really can change is whether or not I choose to accept those things I can’t change.  I have a lot of soul searching to do in the days ahead as well as a great deal of research in order to come to an intelligent and workable decision.  In the meantime, there are just going to be days I have to slog through, but at least I have dancing to look forward to, Thanksgiving to plan for, my house to clean before the big day, and a wedding vow renewal and party to participate in this weekend.  So my focus until I do reach some kind of decision will be on all of the wonderful people and things in my life!

I am so glad my manicurist has known me for a while and doesn’t even flinch when I come up with something many would find weird.  I saw her tonight and told her that I already knew what color I wanted for my nail tips this week, because it had come to me a couple of days ago.  As this has never happened before, she had every right to look at me askance!  But I really did envision my nails in gold this week.  I don’t know why other than that gold is a powerful light color like white.  Is there really some significance to the color I chose (or which chose me) this week?  Is it related to the white light I saw while Barb was giving my knee some healing energy?  These questions and more will be explored over the next few days, though it’s anyone’s guess as to whether answers will follow.  It is just a likely that the exploration will simply raise more questions. 

Never one to shrink from a challenge, I look forward to being able to figure this out, or, that proving fruitless, figure something else out instead.  Either way, I experience that high from having solved another puzzle. 

My mind is wandering all over the place tonight (in case that little fact wasn’t already quite obvious) and I’m having a difficult time just grabbing a topic from the maelstrom and pursuing it before 12 more come flying by, turning my brain into a kaleidoscope of madly whirling thoughts and ideas.    Unfortunately, even my rapidly typing fingers are unable to untangle even a marginally coherent version of any of those thoughts enough to put them down on….computer screen.

Now that I’ve amused the cats by trying to do some of the exercises the physical therapist gave me, maybe the psychedelic brain show will settle down a little; if not enough to get something coherent written here tonight, perhaps at least enough to allow the monkey mind to take a break for sleep.

After hearing that there was an accident on my regular route this morning, I decided to take one of my alternate routes, part of which takes me through an undeveloped and rather wildly beautiful area.  Driving through there this morning, I was very grateful that I’d decided to take that route as the beauty of it really lifted my mood.  I found myself just basking in the beauty of the blue sky, the rolling hills and the dry grass waving as I drove by.  Avoiding the freeway gave me some food for my soul which was especially welcome!  I can see me taking this route more often in the weeks to come as I need additional help in working through ideas, weighing options and reaching decisions.  I have always done better with a little help from nature, so why should this time be any different?

But before I catch another tangent, here are my gratitudes for tonight?
1. I am grateful for roads less traveled.
2. I am grateful for options.
3. I am grateful that, sometimes, I can just step back and laugh at myself.
4. I am grateful for quiet evenings at home with my kitties.
5. I am grateful for opportunities which come flying hard and fast, too quick to dodge, and to insistent to avoid.

Love and light.

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