As I sit her tonight, trying to figure out how to put my thoughts into words, the cats are hanging really close. My two big boys have been on my desk since I got home. Munchkin holds court from the other chair in the room and Snowball lays sprawled on the floor.
They clearly feel the twisty, turny energy that’s flowing on and around me right now. I felt it when I went dancing tonight. It was just a shade less than truly uncomfortable for awhile. I had to make several attempts to seal my field, but once I did, I felt calmer. But still, I felt like a had a flashing neon sign over my head when I was on the dance floor. I felt a lot of energy flowing towards me, though, whether it was actually directed at me or at someone who was near me, I don’t really know.
For the last few days, I have been singularly unmotivated to either work on my book, my copywriting class or my accounting. I will, no matter what, make sure that my clients, at least, are taken care of within the next couple of days, though!
I’ve played puzzle games on the computer (and, of course, fought with said computer unsuccessfully), read a couple of books, done chores and accomplished other tasks, but since about Wednesday, my motivation has been in the toilet! This is especially frustrating as the week started out well. I got a couple of issues off of my To Do list and got some editing done on my book. But as the week stretched out, my motivation seemed to just peter out. I found myself thinking today that I would like some guidance to get back on my path before I lose sight of where that path might be!
I’ve had a little bad news, or at least, it seems that way for the moment. I found it interesting that one of the newsletters I subscribe to has a caution about taking things personally, and when I first received the news, I remember cautioning myself to remember that it wasn’t personal.
This post is a good example of how scattered and unsettled I feel right now. I know Dylan feels it as he has barely left my side for the last few days, and when I go out, he’s waiting at the door when I come back, acting concerned about my being out of his sight. He’s even taken to crawling into my lap when I’m sitting on the couch, which is out of character for him.
There has been a lot more chatter than normal as well. Both Snowball and Munchkin are talking to me a lot lately. Toby is quiet, but demands attention frequently, and as soon as I go to bed, Patches climbs all over me, and it takes awhile to settle her down.
The only reasonable explanation I can find is that the moon is very close to the Earth right now, and I’ve found that I am strongly influenced by the moon and its cycles.
As if he knows what I’m typing, Dylan just increased the volume on his purr. He knows it calms and relaxes me because I tell him all the time. And I do feel a bit less tightly wound as I focus on his purr. Sometimes, I will even tune out my meditation music and listen to his purr instead.
I’m also hearing someone telling me that I am, again, trying to control things too much, and that’s what has me so wound up. It seems I’ve lost sight of the need to just allow. But I know more changes are coming, and I want to know what they are now, despite the fact that I know I’m being kept in the dark for a reason (like maybe, I’d cause a logjam while trying to direct things?), and that I’ll be brought into the loop when there’s no longer a danger of my controlling nature knocking things out of whack.
So now that I’ve rambled all over the map, I’ll share my gratitudes and hope that at least some of what I typed tonight makes even a little bit of sense.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who just let me be.
2. I am grateful for my continued adherence to the 30 day squat challenge. I am loving the fact that my balance is getting better when I use the half ball.
3. I am grateful for the things I am accomplishing, even if, for now, they seem rather mundane.
4. I am grateful for the changes that are coming, and know they will be for the best.
5. I am grateful for my sensitivity, even when, like now, it makes me feel all twisty and out of whack.
Love and light