I started taking bee pollen that my daughter brought me a few days ago.  It’s pretty tasty when mixed with some greek yogurt (either fat free or otherwise) and I’ve found that it seems to give me more energy during the day, although it isn’t going to replace lost sleep!  I started with the full tablespoon as recommended on the jar, although the lady at the vitamin store insisted that you should start with a single grain and work up to maybe a teaspoon.  When I asked why, she said that people can’t handle the extra energy all at once!  I don’t know if it’s because I’m naturally hyper at times, or because I am somewhat active, but I really like the rush of energy I get in the morning, and I feel like I’m just more able to tackle the day, even when I’m tired.  And even after working all day, I come home and easily accomplish a few chores as soon as I walk through the door!  So, I’ll continue with my tablespoon a day in my yogurt and who knows?  I may even up it to two tablespoons, morning and afternoon! 

As I go into my meditations in the afternoon, I’m trying to focus on something in particular.  Yesterday, because I hadn’t gotten enough sleep, my focus was on energy and when I closed my eyes, I saw a volcano, but instead of pouring out hot lava, it was, at first, pouring out beautiful reddish-pink flowers and once the flowers were through, the top of the mountain was crackling with energy.  Today I just drifted, letting thoughts go in and out of my brain, pondering a weird dream I had last night with people from my past.  But in this case, it was people I wasn’t really overly interested in reconnecting with, and they were very patronizing anyway.  In fact, they asked me to wait outside at a picnic table, and as I sat there starting to feel annoyed, I realized that I was much happier being away from them anyway, and was trying to figure out why I even bothered to wait for them.  When I got up to leave, another person from my past crossed my path.  In the dream I was happy to see him, but in real life, I’m rather ambivalent.  Either way, I was away from those whose company I was less than overjoyed with, and able to move on to more pleasant places and things.  But it leaves me wondering if there is something from my past that my mind is trying to tell me I need to release, but it isn’t quite able to pinpoint what it is, so it keeps showing me people and places to see if it will trigger something that will tell me what it is I’m still carrying around. 

I suppose this will be an ongoing theme in my meditations until the real issue surfaces and I’m able to accept and release it.  It also may be part of the reason my throat chakra has been blocked lately.  Which reminds me that I haven’t done an alignment in quite awhile, although my massage therapist did an amazing job moving things back into place on Saturday.  Although she headed me in the right direction, I know that I still need to work on myself for everything to get back into balance. 

I’m also craving sweets again, but more specifically, chocolate.  Yet, when I eat some, it’s not satisfying and I find myself wondering why I bothered to eat it.  Is this just an indication of overall confusion?  This seems odd as I just planted my seeds for the year and, in fact, picture myself watering them and pulling out weeds during part of my meditation.  They’re just wee little sprouts right now, but the soil around them is rich and there is a marvelous feeling of joy around them.  I know these seeds will grow and thrive this year as none of my others have thus far.  They were planted with so much love and gratitude that they are almost supercharged from the start. 

I see this seed planting as similar to giving birth.  I’ve brought these little beings into the world yet I know that they are independent beings I can love and guide, protect for a little while, but ultimately, release out into the world where they will leave their own marks.  I don’t really feel a need to watch them every moment because I know they are in good hands, and I am sure worrying over them a lot less than I do my kids!  (thank goodness!) 

The cats have all been more clingy and needy lately too.  It is rare that I don’t have at least one or two hovering close and often one in my lap telling me that whatever I’m doing isn’t half as important as paying attention to them!  This is especially true of my three boys!  Dylan is forever beside me while Toby and Scooby take turns in my lap!  Do they sense the new lives I’m nurturing now?  Do they sense major changes coming into our lives?  They don’t seem worried as much as they seem to want to be a part of whatever it is I’m doing. 

And on the way home from work, I found myself singing silly, joyful songs, and realized that I am truly happy!  What I’m doing and where I am doesn’t really matter.  I’m just happy being me!  So now, I’ll be doing more to share the Joy!

Love and light

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