All day yesterday, I would think I was hearing voices, but it always came from whichever part of the house I wasn’t in. As I had recently smudged the house with sage, I ruled out anything dark or malicious.
Fast forward to last night. I woke sometime in the very dark hours from a decidedly nasty nightmare. I must point out that it has been quite awhile since I’ve had a nightmare at all, much less, one like this which made me nervous about going back to sleep.
I moved to the living room, thinking a change of venue might help redirect my subconscious, with my protector, Dylan, hot on my heels. He wasn’t about to let me brave this alone, and took up sentry duty on the back of the sofa.
After trying a couple of different positions, I was able to sleep again, and though the dreams bore some similarity to the nightmare, both in location and strangeness, they were basically benign.
The only thing that really makes sense to me is that I fell asleep wrestling with some mixed messages I’d been receiving from my guides, the Universe, or my own, twisted subconscious for the last couple of days. It occurs to me that the dream was a message that I was headed off in the wrong direction. For now, that’s how I’m going to play it, and, as I’ve taken on another project, continuing to chew on that particular issue is easily released.
I also figured out something new today during my daily meditation. For the last week or so, I would “wake” from my meditation, and figure that I was done and go about my business. Today, I stayed put for a little bit, just to see what might happen, and found that I slipped back into the meditative trance for awhile longer. In puzzling over it, I determined that it’s a lot like when I go for a massage and my therapist keeps me just this side of asleep. My mind felt me falling past the trance into sleep, and gave me a bit of a jolt, to bring me back to the meditation instead of sleep. I thought it was pretty cool that my mind, or guides or something can do that for me, so I get the full benefit of the meditation instead of just a mid-afternoon nap.
I signed up for a class in copy writing which, if I can turn what I learned into connections who want to buy what I create, will give me a source of income which will not only make me happier, but give me plenty of freedom to finish my current book and start working on the next, while doing all of that marketing stuff I’m learning is absolutely necessary as well. (and might even teach me a thing or three about the marketing in the process!) I’m already finding that it’s clearly not a “skate” class and requires a lot of focus and just, plain work. I’ve also discovered that I can only focus on it for maybe an hour and a half at a time, so I’m not going to get through it in just a few days. This is fine, as I want to actually assimilate what I’m reading and writing. Some of it really sets my teeth on edge as the first example was one of those sales letters which I wouldn’t even bother to read past the first sentence or two. I have little patience for things which try to reel people in with assurances that by buying a product they are joining some kind of elite group.
OK, I’m just not into that elitist mentality. But the second example, while completely outside my own experiences, is fun, witty and interesting. I’m guessing that I’ll see a mix of things over the next few weeks, and simply gravitate towards the ones which fit my particular style. If nothing else, it’s a much more productive use of my time between bouts of editing and bouts of frustration when I just know I can make a particular chapter better, but have to step back from it for a couple of days to figure out just how I’m going to do that!
And, on the big plus side, it means I’m doing more writing, more learning and more reading. All add up to more experience and ideas for doing what makes me happiest anyway.
In a roundabout way, it’s simply a manifestation of something I put out to the Universe last week. I asked, and it presented me with an answer. It isn’t just handing me things, but, instead it’s showing me opportunities to continue improving my craft so that I will ultimately get what I’m asking for.
It’s as if I’m traveling a road and am not sure where to go next, but have an image in my mind of where I want to end up. So I ask directions and someone points me to a road that may not even be on the map, but is the best route to the place I’m envisioning. They make it clear that it isn’t the smoothest of roads and will require some effort and commitment on my part, but that the rewards will be beyond my imagination. Hell, yes, I’m going to take that road! I never said I was looking for handouts or easy anyway. I want the journey to be as exciting and interesting as I know the destination will be!
So the voices have stopped, but the energy in my house seems to be highly charged right now. The cats are alternately very active, resting for the next adventure, and extremely snuggly. I know they’re feeling the charge in the air too, and tend to move closer whenever the charge changes again.
As I continue the practice of sealing my field, I’ve had to kind of throw the seal out and ask that it mold itself to my field, because, most of the time now, I can’t even see where it ends. It certainly fills my whole house, and goes deep beneath it as well. But it extends far beyond my line of sight, both physical and energetic. I can only guess, at this point that my personal. Human Energy Field (HEF for short) is directly connected to the Universal Energy Field (UEF) most of the time. Granted, one could assume that we always are, just by definition, but I have felt that I isolated myself most of the time, putting up a barrier and opening it only when I needed something that wasn’t in my own HEF.
But at this point, I’m finding it necessary to maintain that connection and to keep that flow of give and take going pretty much constantly. I’m guessing that’s why I feel a buzzing in the air around me all the time now. It will take a little getting used to, but in its own way, it’s almost as comforting as my cats’ purrs.
All in all, I’m feeling like I really am going in the right direction for me. The only time I had those gut deep responses which alert me to the fact that I’m about to take a wrong turn was when I thought about a seminar I was supposed to go to tonight regarding drawing in more accounting business. Even typing the words makes my stomach roll. Clearly, the energies are against that particular path and know both that I only want to go there as a means to an end, and that where I want to go is diametrically opposite. In fact, those energies have been prodding me for years to stop just approaching my life as a means to an end (and frankly, there’s only one guaranteed end, here!), start living it as the exciting, scary, creative, world shaking life I was meant to live!
So hear I am, almost four months into that new life, and I’m still enjoying the heck out of myself! What’s so wrong about that?
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my inner compass, even when it kicks me in the chin.
2. I am grateful for opportunities to learn and do new things.
3. I am grateful for the webinar I listened to tonight which taught me to let go of old images of money and embrace a new one with the image of a lover. (I have my girlfriends to thank for what that should look like!)
4. I am grateful for the time and the drive to follow my passion.
5. I am grateful that I’m learning I can have multiple passions, yet be true to them all.
Love and light.