Just when I think I’ve made progress in the self-improvement department, I get a not-so-subtle reminder via my dreams that there is work yet to be done.
Last night, I was dreaming that someone asked me to pick up some poison as she’d heard that putting a drop in 16 ounces of orange juice was a great aid to weight loss. As she didn’t specify what kind, I picked up what, in the dream was weed killer, but I kept calling it “diazepam” which, upon googling it, I discovered is actually an anti-anxiety drug (is there another message here?). I put a drop in my bottle of orange juice and walked around drinking it, not realizing that this particular poison disbursed much larger drops than what was recommended for this process.
As I began feeling more and more ill with a blazing headache and nausea, I found myself rummaging through my refrigerator in search of more orange juice to dilute the effects of what I’d consumed. Meanwhile, my ex-husband was sitting in a chair, watching tv and ignoring my distress, and a group of friends was arriving for a pre-planned evening out, for which I was not ready.
The short version of my “reminder” here is that I believed that I had forgiven my ex (and myself) for all ills, both real and perceived, during both our 11 year marriage and 3 year divorce. Clearly, I still have some work to do!
A few things popped out at me from this little dream vignette:
1. All too often, when I’ve developed a headache while sleeping, it manages to find a way into my dream until I finally awaken from the very real pain. Today was no exception.
2. It’s interesting to me that when I dream of needing a little help but that help is being withheld, it’s typically my ex who is the culprit! I’ve also noticed that when he appears in my dreams, he is merely a shadowy, faceless figure representing the man, almost like the heard but not seen parents in the Peanuts cartoons. Meanwhile, everyone else in the dream appear very clear and recognizable.
3. The fact that my dream mind referred to a drug as “poison” isn’t really that far off of what I believe anyway.
Of course, after the realizations come the questions:
1. What is it that is still unresolved?
2. What do I need to do to resolve it once and for all?
3. Do the headaches come first or the dreams?
4. Why would I even dream of considering a drastic weight loss idea, given that I truly believe that a healthy diet and regular exercise are the key to a healthy body (notwithstanding the fact that I’m not currently at a healthy weight. I am walking the walk to get there)? I am also one of the biggest anti-drug (including and especially legal ones) poster child imaginable! Even my body rejects the idea by developing allergies to all of the antibiotics to which it is introduced!
5. Are these unresolved issues key to my seeming inability to connect with anyone on a deep level?
What’s a girl to do????
Left to my own devices, I simply add it to my list of things to meditate on. And since my own devices are exactly what I have right now, I will do exactly that! Though, once on my list, they become, not only things to meditate on, but also to sleep on, because, quite often, the answers to questions which arose in my dreams will also come from dreams! How’s that for handy?
No matter how crazy and complicated life gets, I can always retreat into myself and find the serenity I need to face whatever comes. There’s no reason why the same method won’t be successful in locating and resolving the issues which surfaced in this seemingly crazy dream sequence!
Now, after a long and productive day at work, a decent workout at the gym and a delightful night of dancing and socializing with friends, it is time to be grateful, then, to sleep, perchance, to dream (I know! Be careful what you ask for! The Universe has a wicked sense of humor!)
1. I am grateful for opportunities for improvement, wherever they might come from.
2. I am grateful for additional nights of dancing, especially when it involves one of my favorite live bands!
3. I am grateful for a healthy, strong, increasingly limber body! (I did deeper squats than usual tonight with NO pain!)
4. I am grateful for an expanding circle of friends.
5. I am grateful for lessons I’m learning from other bloggers on so many different subjects!
Love and light.