Aha Moments Hit When You Least Expect Them
Driving down to my daughter’s late last night with one of Brad Paisley’s sillier CD’s playing in the background, Google Maps in my right ear doing its best to lead me astray and the requisite triple latte from Starbuck’s in the cup holder, my mind multi-tasked between trying to avoid the delightful beings who seemed to require periodic testing to assure themselves they had functioning brakes and all of the places my ADD brain likes to go when it isn’t occupied with a full complement of stimuli. This time, however, that unpredictable mind of mine actually managed to surprise me by coming up with something useful.
Though I hadn’t quite figured it out until tonight, there truly was a fear behind the spinning wheels I’d been experiencing on and off for the last year or so. Between the failed attempt at learning copywriting and my current weak effort to monetize my blogging by working for others, I had, until last night, overlooked a single nefarious cause for my lack of, well, sticktoitiveness. With the help of various teachers and guided meditations, I have been asking myself over and over What is it I fear? What is truly keeping me from realizing my goals right now?
While Brad sang about killing dozens of roses as he searched for forgiveness, my mind suddenly engaged and the root of my problem was so incredibly obvious, it’s amazing I didn’t figure it out sooner. But let me take a step back to allow those whose brains are less convoluted to catch up.
Just Because it is Written on the Internet Does Not Make it True
Once I nailed down the fear which was crippling me without my conscious knowledge, I didn’t have to wander far to discover the reason. Over the last couple of years, I have joined a number of groups on Facebook including a couple concerned with self-publishing. Unfortunately, many of the readers post about their personal horror stories, be they formatting, small sales, returned ebooks or any number of issues with purveyors of products and services for the unsuspecting self-publisher. This served to replace my fear of rejection (which, by the way, I believe I’ve overcome by seeing rejections as a badge of honor and encouragement to continue trying) with something far more insidious: fear of spending a lot of time, effort and money to put a piece of crap out on the internet via Amazon and Kindle where anyone can see how inept I am.
Now that I’ve identified the fear which is preventing the world from seeing what my twisted mind can conjure, I have the tools to start working through that fear and negating it just as I did the fear of rejection. Better still, I can finally move forward, do the necessary edits and revisions, and maybe even get some work as a Virtual Assistant as well! I am certainly looking forward to the end of a long stream of unproductive days.
The only thing I can’t quite come to terms with is the number of times I had to ask what fear was holding me back before I finally got an answer…and the answer came when I wasn’t even thinking about the problem! I realize the Universe takes great pleasure out of twisting my life into bizarre, pretzel-like configurations untouchable even by purveyors of horror movies, but usually, I’d have received one of those gentle wake-up calls I refer to as “Universal head slaps” long before now. This little demon has been hanging around for months!
I suppose I should just be grateful that the latest mystery is solved and get on with the business of actually finishing something and preparing it for publication. Meanwhile, I will allow myself to indulge in the occasional mindless muttering which typically accompanies my writing sessions anyway.
As it is, I spent a goodly amount of time this evening trying to resolve an issue with my laptop which prevented websites from showing up properly. Wouldn’t you know that after my typical poking around, I figured out that the issue lay in the fact the the blasted machine had set itself back to 1980 so none of the certificates could be recognized. Seriously?
I’ve babbled on long enough and the hour is getting late so I’ll leave you with my gratitudes:
1. I am grateful that my latest self-limiting fear has revealed itself so the business of squelching it can begin.
2. I am grateful for a relatively uneventful trip to my daughter’s.
3. I am grateful that my work is selling well and that I am able to support myself better as a writer than I ever could as an accountant. (could passion have something to do with it?)
4. I am grateful for all of the people who have supported me while I learned and failed and tried again until I figured things out. The cheerleading and the butt kicking have both been invaluable.
5. I am grateful for abundance: Aha moments, blessings, friends, family, love joy, support, health, harmony, peace, prosperity and philanthropy.
I hope you’ll take a moment to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!