I started out the day with the very best of intentions.  I was going to go to the gym and do legs, but a cranky groin muscle made me rethink that plan.

I was going to fix the bathtub which has had a sticky lever in the faucet for ages.  What my daughter suggested didn’t work.

I was going to remove everything from my freezer because it had decided to stop freezing.  I was able to move everything into the top of the refrigerator the kids are storing temporarily in my garage, and get rid of things which were old anyway (aside from the lobster tail I’d failed to pull out of there the other day when the thing stopped freezing altogether, but I saved most of the newer stuff!).    And I ordered a new freezer which will be delivered next Sunday (Assuming Home Depot isn’t challenged again like it was with my vanity!) and was lucky enough to find it on sale at over $100 off!!.  Add in my 3% from Ebates and I saved nearly $120!  Very cool!!!

Now here I sit, hot, sweaty and frustrated, wishing I knew a good handy man who could fix my tub, install my new vanity and toilet and help me fix a myriad of other small things around the house!  Where is that woman with her fix-it man, Bob when a girl needs him!!!

But you can’t keep a good woman down!  I did a little relaxing, a meditation (which was rudely interrupted by my big boy, Toby, standing on my chest.  At first, I wondered why he didn’t just curl up on my lap like normal, until I realized that I’d said I wanted to meditate for an hour and it had, indeed, been an hour.  I’m starting to believe cats can keep track of time!

Now, here it is, 11:11 and my lunches and breakfasts are packed up in the refrigerator, the load of towels and rugs from the great bathroom flood are finally in the dryer after being washed about 3 times, the kitchen is put to rights and the dishwasher is humming a happy tune.

I’m not sure if it was my happy energy or the full moon, or what, but when I finished straightening the kitchen, I found all of the cats (except Toby because, what would a meal prep be without at least one trip over that giant boy?) waiting for me in the living room!  Usually, one or two might be there, with the rest scattered around the house, so it was quite odd to find them all gathered in the same room, including Patches, who prefers solitude!

I find that I go through cycles where I watch a lot of TV at night, then suddenly, I’m watching none.  Usually, when I’m in my “none” stage, it’s because I can’t really sit still and focus on something while doing nothing.  I need to be writing or reading or researching, or even playing some stupid game, but not just being an observer. 

I know that I am impacted by the phases of the moon, but haven’t really kept a log or anything to see if these mood swings coincide with any particular cycle.  I’d like to stay in the current one for awhile, though because I find I’m far more productive and motivated!  (at least for everything except my book!).

A friend did offer up a suggestion that I allow myself one weekend day a month in which to hole up and write.  As soon as I have a weekend when there isn’t a ton of stuff going on, I’m going to give that a try.  (unless, of course, I’m suddenly inspired and just find myself sitting down at the computer, oblivious to everything else that’s going on around me, and all of the things in my house that need fixing!)

In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to crank out 1500 words or more (yes, I want to get past the lazy days when I only do 700 or so) and go on to the next UBC which starts July 1.  I’m also working on posting a little earlier so I am NOT the last poster of the day!  But I’m loving communicating with people from all over the world since I joined the challenge in April.  In some cases, I’m really learning about other places because the bloggers share photographs and stories about the places they live.  
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 I’ve also found more people who inspire me with their positive attitudes, great advice and wonderful, joyful personas.  We blog for a variety of reasons, and that variety can be huge.  Some are selling a product or service.  Some of us are writers, either aspiring, published, or just scribbling.  But we blog because we need to write…and write…and write.  Some are mothers sharing their parenting experiences.  Others are artists or photographers.  But whatever the reason they blog, each one shares a part of themselves when they put fingers to keyboard.  I am honored to be allowed into their worlds just by clicking a link.  And I am even more honored that some of them come into my world, leave comments, and sometimes even share the link to my blog. 

There are truly things we do because we must, because it is a part of our being and to refrain from doing those things would make us feel half alive.  For my daughter, I think it’s baking, but could just be the creative process in general as she sews, makes jewelry and takes some pretty spectacular photographs as well.  For a friend from my Band Booster days, it is photography.  She took tons of pictures of the kids, including one of my favorites of Heather which hangs on my bulletin board.  Now she takes pictures of her kids and grandkids, nature, and whatever else she spies through the eye of her camera. 

Another friend’s daughter creates massive paintings with brilliant color.  That isn’t her day job, but it is certainly her passion. 

I think that’s really the word: by doing that one thing which gives us the most pleasure, we fulfill our passion.  We don’t have to make money at it (though the lucky ones do manage to support themselves with it), but giving it up is like giving up breathing.  Most of us, too, have more than one thing we are passionate about, probably because expressing our passion leads to more passionate expression. 

I believe that expressing our passion in multiple areas in our lives allows that passion to expand and grow, overflowing into that which we must do. 

I’ve seen changes in my writing over the last three or four years.  Some of it is the result of experiences and growth, but some of it is simply because I’m finally allowing myself to express everything with as much passion as I feel.  I’m writing tens of thousands of words a month (and slowly getting to the point where I write that much in a week!)   Where it took me about four years to write just shy of 350,000 words, I’m on track to do that in less than a year.  Why?  Because it is no longer a sometimes thing.  It is something which makes me miss meals, give up some of my sleep, forgo the one-eyed monster and live another day with a dirty kitchen floor.  Allowing my mind free reign is becoming as natural as breathing. 

I use times when I’m performing mindless tasks: be it cooking, cleaning, waiting for an appointment or anything else which doesn’t engage my full brain, to let myself go anywhere, be anyone I want to be.  I dream up new blog topics during those times.  Some of them actually make it to the page, while others are simply segues into something else. 

My dreams become inspiration.  Conversations with friends lead to new ideas.  Something I read will send me off on a wild tangent, reminiscent of Narnia.  It doesn’t matter where or who or what or why.  The inspiration guides my fingers and the words pour out.  Granted, they aren’t always in a discernible kind of order, nor is maintaining a topic a priority right now.  But think of all the raw material I’m generating for future books!  Like Anne McCaffery or Mercedes Lackey, I could begin a series that could go on for ten or twelve books, or I could just write a bunch of singles.  Today could be a self-help book, tomorrow a children’s book and the next day, a steamy romance.  (ok, so I don’t have enough personal experience for a steamy romance, but maybe my vivid imagination can fill in some of the blanks!). 

I dream in living color, so that can certainly transfer to the printed page.  (I’m still trying to make sense of the dream about a friend who was dancing with me and couldn’t figure out why he was so itchy until he realized that he was wearing a fanny pack filled with termites that he’d picked up on a hike.  There are way too many anomolies here to go into!)

It may even be that my dreams have become more vivid, more outrageous since I’ve allowed my writing to become part of my daily routine.  It’s as if a door was cracked open and Munchkin body slammed it open the rest of the way, allowing every lion and tiger and bear free access to the world on the other side. 

It occurred to me just now that I might want to do some free writing, where I just type whatever comes to mind.  Then I realized that I do it all the time these days.  Admittedly, there is a certain amount of editing, which, frankly, causes me to pause in my writing while I decide what to type, what to leave out, and when to forcibly change the direction entirely.  This is what I often refer to as my ADHD writing.  Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t.  Perhaps it is just all of the people and creatures and story lines from my overactive imagination pouring into my conscious world and wreaking havoc with gay abandon. 

Perhaps, now would be the time to change the name of my blog to “Writer Gone Amok”.

I will ponder that as I lay my head upon whichever pillow has not already been claimed by a feline.  . 

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have learned to embrace my passions and allow them free reign.
2. I am grateful for all of the amazing people I’ve been meeting, who have allowed me a glimpse of their worlds.
3. I am grateful for encouragement which is coming from so many directions.
4. I am grateful for the ease with which so many words are flowing from my fingers these days,
5. I am grateful for a life which will leave more and more time to write, to dance, to exercise, to walk in nature and to be the me I’ve always wanted to be!

Love and light

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