Around 11:00 AM I started experiencing weird feelings of anxiety (and I need to note, here, that I am not prone to anxiety attacks!) which seemed to increase as time went on. It seems I’m not alone in this, so I have to wonder: Is there something heading our way which will require action or change of some sort? Am I just sensitive to the horrendous storm activity affecting our east coast?
As the day went on, the unsettled feelings intensified and I found myself lacking in motivation. Putting the question out to my friends, I wasn’t entirely surprised to hear that others were experiencing the same feelings.
For me, I just took it as a sign that I needed to indulge myself in some comfort food and relax with my extremely attentive kitties for the evening.
I’m also noticing that, despite the numbers on the scale, my body is changing. I’m noticing that muscles are becoming more toned, clothes are fitting more loosely all over and that I’m feeling darned good about myself! As I read more and more posts about loving yourself first, I can honestly say that I really do love me, fully and completely. I love my body, imperfections and all, and I even love myself when I’m procrastinating. Sometimes, waiting to do something turns out to be an asset because by the time I do get around to it, something has changed dramatically and if I’d performed the task sooner, I’d have had to re-do it!
For the moment, I’m not making plans beyond tomorrow, aside from the usual dance nights and pampering appointments. I feel as if I need to just take each day as it comes for now, until something levels out and I’m able to move forward again. These periods of “treading water” are just as important as those in which I accomplish a great deal. They are there for a reason and trying to swim upstream will accomplish nothing except to wear me out!
As I enter into a period of waiting patiently, allowing my energies to rebuild, my creativity to unfold, I imagine myself riding in a car or on a train, watching as the scene unfolds before me, without my direction or control. I’m simply an observer for this moment in time, and the only job I have is to gather as much information as I can from my observations, watching the landscape unfold before me, offering up a plethora of wonders and surprises. Somehow, what I gather will be important when this period of waiting and observing is over so details are vital and my notes need to be meticulous.
The stories I will tell in the future will draw from the time I spend gathering details, observing the world around me, documenting diligently. The changes I will initiate will find their inspiration in this quiet time when activity is neither necessary nor required.
Again, one of the tarot cards comes to mind. This time, the Four of Swords
The card indicates a time of rest, a time to dream in preparation for a great deal of action later. This is where I feel that I am right now, and perhaps the anxiety and the unsettled feelings are a direct result of my inability to move forward during this period. My natural state of almost manic activity balks at having to wait, to rest, to observe. I am being challenged to practice patience which has never been my strong suit, and it is an ill-fitting suit, at best. But it is also a lesson I know I need to, if not master, at least reach a certain level of proficiency at. So rest, I will, and observe while waiting as patiently as possible for the moment when I will, again, be able to act.
It won’t be long before the Knight of Swords comes riding, pell mell, through my life, upsetting apple carts and defying anything to stop his haste to fight his battles, rescue fair maidens and make the world a better place!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for quiet times when I can practice the lesson of patience.
2. I am grateful for friends who can corroborate my feelings that something is disturbed.
3. I am grateful for mild weather conditions in my area, and hope that the dire reports coming from the east coast are far less dreadful than predicted.
4. I am grateful for quiet evenings at home, snuggling with my kitties.
5. I am grateful for dance nights which help me work off my restlessness.
Love and light.,