Have you ever had one of those moments where you made a life changing decision, felt really great about it, slept on it and woke up thinking “Oh my god!  What have I done?  Did I really think this through?  Did I research it thoroughly before I jumped?  Am I completely off my noodle???”

This was me, about 11:00 this morning.  I even had what I call “anxiety tummy”, churning and growling and giving me pangs of nausea.  So what did I do about it???  I’m about to tell you!


The first thing I did was to remind myself that I don’t make bad decisions.  Sure, sometimes I go with my gut and sometimes I end up learning a lesson, but other times, that gut driven decision turns out to be the best thing I ever did!  That’s how I feel about this one, but it took a strong talking to coupled with pushing myself extra hard at the gym.  All in all, a win-win situation, from my perspective!

The way I see it, a bad decision is one that both doesn’t turn out anywhere close to the way you’d have liked it to (e.g. my disastrous choice of contractors for my remodel) and that results in no lesson learned.  (and believe me, I learned lots of lessons from the contractor fiasco!)  How often in life does that sad combination really occur?  How often do you fail to at least learn something from the experience?  I don’t know about you, but for me, the answer is a resounding “NONE”.

Every time I’ve made a decision which had consequences instead of successes, I took away a much-needed lesson which served me well for future choices.  I have always told my daughters that the lessons we remember the best are the ones which came with some kind of pain, and frankly, the more painful the lesson, the better and longer it will be remembered!  It’s sort of like the first time you burn yourself on a hot iron (admit it, you’ve done this at least once if you ever take the time to iron anything!).  The first thing you learn is a healthy respect for that evil hunk of metal and plastic!  (As many times as I’ve gotten burnt, is it any wonder I passionately hate ironing?)  The second thing you learn is that this lesson applies to any heat bearing object.  And if you didn’t learn it the first time, a pot, an oven door, the sidewalk on a sunny summer day…any manner of things will be happy to remind you of the lesson until you get it right!

As my current decision involves learning, no matter what happens, I will get what I came for, so the final verdict is that it is a good decision!  Hooray!

I ended the evening (and weekend) with a nice chat with a good friend who is experiencing changes of her own in her life.  It is definitely a good thing to have girlfriends around to share the crazy thoughts that go through our minds as our worlds turn upside down, even when it’s in a very good way!  Change is exciting, but it’s also a shock to our nervous system, and we have to be patient with ourselves as we regain our balance.

Like a cat, we’ll end up on our feet as long as we trust ourselves and, of course, keep those girlfriends around (or guy friends if you’re a guy!).  Even though we have to ford the stream ourselves, it helps to have someone on the bank cheering us on!  Sometimes they can offer suggestions, but more often, it’s just the moral support and the reminder that we aren’t alone.

I’ve learned the hard way that thinking you can make it on your own without the support of other humans is egotistical at best.  Sure, we can manage the little things and be none the worse for wear, but don’t try to tell me that managing lfe’s major changes alone will leave you unscathed.  Believe me, I have the scars to prove that it is NOT a particularly wise path to take.

Sure, at the end, you can pat yourself on the back and claim all of the credit for your success, but you’re also a wounded warrior.  There are holes in your psyche the size of Texas and you’re tender and reactive in all of those places where you were singed or burned.   It takes a lot longer to recover and you bring new meaning to the term “gun shy”.  

I look back now and ask myself:  “Was it really worth it just to be able to say “I did it all myself”?  Were the years of hiding behind my own walls, and the loneliness that resulted worth the petty victories?”  

Of course, the answer is a resounding “No!”, but as with everything else, I doubt I’d have done things differently because, in the end, I still had my lessons to learn.  Even though I wouldn’t recommend that path, I know that a lot of people out there will travel it anyway, because they need to.  I just hope that they, like I, finally do learn that traveling the path alone is no real victory at all.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have learned to trust my judgement no matter what.
2. I am grateful that for the friendships I have made and will make in the future.  They make me a stronger, better person in the end.
3. I am grateful for new opportunities to learn and grow, even if they’re a little scary right now.
4. I am grateful that I am able to embrace change, however it may come into my life.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to meet and learn from a diverse group of people. 

Love and light

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