There are a lot of things running through my head tonight, but nothing is staying put long enough for me to turn it into words.  I try to offer a number of things here:  Inspiration, Affirmation, Humor, and, when all else fails, little snippets of my life in which the Universe is having a particularly good time.

The last two days have been productive, but from the logical, analytical side of me, and perhaps that’s why getting back into the creative side is a bit of a struggle.  I’m getting a lot of images, lately of rescues and protection, but rather than it being me as the rescuer/protector, it is someone else doing it for me, whether I think I need it or not.

Those of you who have carved a life out by yourselves, either as a single person on their own, or a single parent, probably understand how easy it is to get used to just handling things yourself rather than asking for help. 

I think my best rationalization during the years of working two jobs, raising two daughters and trying to give enough time to their school activities was “other people have just as much on their plates as I do, maybe more, so how could I ask them to help me??” 

It took me a lot of years and my daughters reaching adulthood to realize that people need to be needed.  Asking for help is still a fine line between asking now and then with gratitude and asking, or worse, expecting, all the time, as if it is your just desserts.  I saw too much of the latter over the years, and this made me especially sensitive to the possibility of taking advantage of others.  Unfortunately, I took it to the other extreme. 

But you can teach an old dog new tricks so I now know to look for opportunities to ask for assistance without taking advantage, and to express gratitude before, during and after.  It does help to have that attitude of gratitude as a part of my daily life, and in fact, I really do appreciate it when someone takes the time to give me a hand or an ear or whatever it might be. 

I’m still working on being more kind, but I think I need to practice patience first.  I still get frustrated when I think someone is moving too slow, instead of taking a step back and exploring the possibility that they’re moving slowly for a reason (except the other day at Jamba Juice when whoever did the scheduling for a holiday Monday didn’t give much consideration to the two young people who were doing their darndest to accommodate the deluge of customers while trying to keep up with clearing the area of dirty blenders and filling the bins with ingredients.  Special thanks to the young lady who continued to be pleasant and actually apologize for the delay when we could all see that they were buried!  Kudos also to the patrons who were all patient while the employees did their best to keep things moving.)

I was recently given a suggestion when I’m trying to fill my heart with love while doing healing to imagine Dylan and the feeling I get when he walks in and rubs his face against mine.  I think I will use the experience at Jamba Juice to remind me to be patient when I think I need to be in a hurry (but really, do we ever really need to be in a hurry unless it’s a life or death situation?) 

Having a person or animal or situation with which to help us visualize a better state of mind seems to me to be a marvelous idea when we are driven by our baser instincts to be less than patient, kind, loving or encouraging. 

My biggest challenge, however, will always be when I’m expected to be or do something.  I have, since early childhood, rebelled against others’ expectations.  My mother worked very hard to break me of this, to no avail. 

Now that I have come to the realization that I cannot control other people (nor they, me) but I (and everyone else) can control how I (or they) react to other people’s words or actions, I find that life is a lot more peaceful.  And that works for me!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to have learned to accept myself as I am.
2. I am grateful to have learned that allowing the words or actions of other people to affect me is also a choice.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, and even more, for those I still have to work on.
4. I am grateful for busy, productive days which will allow me to have days to be creative.
5. I am grateful for all of the people in my life who have brought with them important lessons which make me a better me.

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