Yesterday, I was feeling bruised and battered and overwhelmed by a number of things for which I had to find solutions.  Before I slipped into that ugly pit known as “wallowing in self-pity”, I decided to acknowledge that feeling of being overwhelmed and ask the Universe to help me wade through it all.

Today, I have a phone number for some able-bodied men to help me set up the storage unit I  ordered, I have emailed the trash company about a large pickup and have several volunteers to help me with the weekly assignments for my A.R.T. class.  In fact, the volunteers are rather enthusiastic about seeing if I can clear some things for them!  The 15 minute a week requirement now seems not only doable but exceedable!   I’ve even done most of the reading in the first book and answered a couple of the homework questions! 

It is amazing how easy it was to turn an oppressive feeling of overwhelmment into a joyful one, simply by asking for help!  Who knew????  We control freaks have a real problem admitting that not can we not do it all ourselves, but that there are others out there who can often do it better than we can, and are more than willing to lend a hand!   Even though, each time I do ask for help, I’m amazed at the outflow of support I receive, I still find it difficult (though less so as time goes on) to just ask for that help, be it overtly or just by throwing the suggestion up to the Universe.

Tonight’s session of mundane tasks revolved around emptying and cleaning sandboxes, sweeping floors and putting the trash out for tomorrow’s pickup.  As it doesn’t take as long as fixing meals and requires a lot more physical exertion, I don’t get the nice, wandering mind effect I get from preparing food, but it does serve to settle me some and let me rehash some things I worked on throughout the day.  It also gives me a chance to ponder some of the reading I did today and allow some of the ideas to percolate.

As the author of one of the books strikes me as a bit pompous because of her extensive education and psychotherapy practice, I have to take the time to absorb the message and not allow my distaste with her delivery to prevent me from benefiting from some really good material she’s taken the time to put together.

Some of it reminds me of an engineer who has to quantify and correlate data, giving little names and codes to things, but wading through some of that excessive detail and getting to the meat just gives me a challenge.  It also makes me process and then put things into terms which resonate better with me.  I believe that is why our instructor gives us some of the questions she does on our homework.  She realizes that we need to think about what we’re reading, then rephrase it so that it makes more sense to us. 

Thinking about it makes me curious as to how my classmates are translating what she’s written into language which works for them.  We are four very different women, not only in age and background, but in life experiences.  We all have our own insecurities about what we’re doing and whether we’re really seeing or perceiving accurately.  We have different gifts so we perceive things in different ways.  Only very rarely do I hear voices speaking to me or delivering information, but I see so much in my mind’s eye, and often, those pictures are extremely vivid, and, as I’ve been finding, incredibly accurate!

I don’t yet get information as quickly as my teacher does, nor do I get as much detail, but a lot of that, like my day job, comes with experience.  Heaven knows I’ll be working on something when I suddenly stop and think “Wow!  I really do know this stuff!”   I look forward to the day when I’ll be able to do the same with what I’m learning right now.  But I know I have a long road to travel before that day comes!  In the meantime, the path is interesting, frustrating, emotionally battering..but never boring!

So for now, I have my homework which I’ve gotten a better jump on this month, coordinating the emptying and removal of the Pod, clearing up some more of my clutter and getting back on track to at least get my kitchen upgraded and a start on achieving the living space I really want.  I stagnated for awhile, but I think I’m finally ready to move forward, let go of some outdated thoughts, feelings and beliefs, and grow!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the outpouring of positive energy that got me back on track.
2. I am grateful for all of the new experiences and knowledge that is coming into my life.
3. I am grateful for the release of the negative energy I was attracting over the weekend.
4. I am grateful for green lights all the way home, whether or not I sing my green light song.  (My daughter thinks I’m weird, but really wouldn’t trade me for a normal mom!)
5. I am grateful for kitty love that grounds and centers me, no matter how crazy, awful, beautiful, tragic, magic, uplifting my life might get.

Love and light

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