Driving home from another night of dancing until my clothes are soaked through, I had an epiphany of sorts.  I realized that since joining the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I’d lost sight of the audience who really matters to me, and who have loved and supported me despite my rambling, almost psychotic style of blogging in an effort to write so that other bloggers would actually want to read what I wrote. 

As a result, my blogs have gotten shorter by the day and stayed pretty much on topic.  Not only that, they lacked my usual acerbic, irreverent style and were, frankly, becoming quite boring.

What finally brought it home to me, though, was a dream I had last night that wouldn’t get out of my mind.  I dreamt that the vines a previous neighbor had planted on the chain link fence between our house were being, without any direction from me, trimmed back rather brutally by my gardener.  In the dream, I was glad he was doing it, though I had not asked him to, but he seemed to have stopped mid-way through as if waiting for approval or something.  About 2/3 of the fence was clear on my side, but a lot of the branches were still sitting on the ground waiting to be hauled away.

He had also trimmed all of the weeds away from my little multi-citrus tree and it was looking much happier and healthier.  In the dream I walked up to the tree and told it that I would be sure to pick its fruit when it came.  But the little tree was being threatened a bit by a huge tree in my other neighbor’s yard which had grown so full that it was threatening to block the sun from my little fruit tree.

How does all of this relate to my epiphany, you ask?  Well, here is the conclusion I reached.  Removal of the vines allowed me to see what had been hidden and to realize that I was missing the point in many ways.  The little fruit tree was me, being overshadowed by something bigger and essentially unrelated but which, with a little help from a friend or two could be turned back to allow the tree, or me to once again thrive in its own way.

So, this is me, remembering my original and much appreciated audience who have been coming back pretty regularly to see what I’ll come up with next.  While I appreciate the experienced bloggers giving me a look now and then, I realize that, since I’m not really selling anything, nor is that my intent, the ones who really matter are the ones who come back day after day, read my babbling, rambling messages, comment now and then on Facebook or in person, and occasionally even take something away from my daily observations.

That is not to say that I don’t enjoy the challenge of enticing other bloggers to read my posts.  I really do, and welcome suggestions to improve what I do.  But my true purpose is to share life’s challenges and triumphs and to gain a better understanding of how to make it better for me and for those whose lives I touch.  I make a lot of mistakes, and who doesn’t when they are really trying to reach their goals, so they can keep setting new ones?  I enjoy sharing my stumbles as much, or more than my triumphs because maybe someone else will relate, or even learn from my foibles.

For example, I was searching for a way to give one of my cats a pill without hurting his poor mouth which had had two very painful teeth removed.  I put it out there and got lots of suggestions, though my daughter arrived at the best one, which I then improved upon a little.  He happens to be the cat she’d had since childhood, but left with me when she had the audacity to move out and get married, so who would know him better?  Scooby is a sucker for a piece of cheese, any kind, cheddar, jack, pepper jack, gouda, american.  You name it, he’ll eat it!  But the only cheese soft enough to put a pill in that I had in the house happened to be brie.  So I smooshed the pill into some brie, made a little ball of it and fed it to him.  Problem solved!  He’s happy he is getting a treat and the pill goes down without causing him further discomfort.  The only glitch in the solution came tonight when I fed Scooby his brie ball while Toby looked on as if to say “but Mom!  I’ve been good too!  Where’s mine???”  Kids!

Another nasty side effect to my trying to write to a broader and more experienced blog-ience was that I was no longer sleeping as well as I did when I just wrote from the heart and the devil take what comes out!  I clearly wasn’t getting those things out of my monkey mind that needed to come out before I could sleep the sleep of the innocent (ok, so maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but I was sure sleeping soundly after unloading here!).  Clearly, short, sweet, pablum-like blogs are not what I need, want or am comfortable with.

So here it is, me, uncensored, warts and all, back for another round of life, Universal head slaps, and insight from my wonderful, loyal audience.  Topics will once again change, wander, do a loop the loop or two and maybe actually find a point on occasion (purely by accident, I assure you) but I will do my best to never be boring or too serious because, as I say frequently, life is too short to take it seriously.  (My irreverent wit is currently doing the happy dance as it was feeling quite put out by being restrained the last few days!)

My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful for another wonderful, sweaty night of dancing with my friends and extended family.
2. I am grateful to have found a solution for Scooby that allows me to refrain from causing him more pain.
3. I am grateful to have rediscovered my “voice”.
4. I am grateful for the people who read my blog regularly and aren’t afraid to comment when they see something that strikes them.
5. I am grateful for more than 7 months of regular blogging…and regular sleep!

Love and light.

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