What if Everything We Consider Normal Was Reversed?

An article I read today about George Takai’s guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory got me thinking. Apparently, one of the stars of the show blurted out to Mr. Takai something to the effect of “did you know you’re gay?” It led me to think about his ardent support of the LGBT movement and further, what those letters signify. At the risk of oversimplifying, it occurred to me that those letters represent labels which our society gives to people who don’t adhere to what is “normal” in their selection of sexual and life partners.

Given that so many of our social mores came into play when the Catholic church rose to power, I had to ask myself, what if the world changed such that heterosexuals were now the minority (perhaps to curb overpopulation?). How would it feel for those who now assign labels to others to be the ones assigned a label and to have that label used in a derogatory fashion?

Judging people by their sexual preferences is a fairly modern concept anyway. In ancient Greece and Rome, nobody really thought twice about it. The only consideration was that the nobility produce heirs. What they did beyond keeping the line going was their own business and not subject to public scrutiny. If you ask me, this is one of many areas in which we’ve gone backwards. If two people are happy together, why is society entitled to judge? (Please note, I’m not condoning pedophilia here. I will always believe that the term “consenting adults” must be part of the equation.)

Speaking of Point of View, I’ve Been Giving Some Thought to My Career Path This Week

Although I am doing what I would do if money were no object, the fact of the matter is, I’m starting to be concerned with outflow exceeding income. I’ve been looking at various ways to monetize some of what I do to allow myself time to do what I would do for nothing (and frankly, for the moment, I am). I went through a course about making money freelancing, and put so many of the things into practice, if I hadn’t already done so, but am still coming up mostly empty handed. Part of the problem is my own confidence in what I know. I limit myself to what I’ll even consider pitching because I think I don’t know enough about the subject.

Granted, I don’t know real estate or law which seem to be overly represented on the job boards seeking writers. But after exchanging thoughts with fellow freelancers, I see that I know about a lot more things than I realize. Though I wouldn’t consider myself an expert, I can talk intelligently about natural remedies, healthy eating, single parenting, divorced moms, accounting, government contract accounting, bookkeeping for small businesses, Quickbooks, pet therapy, ailments affecting cats(more from having experienced a lot of things with my own fur-kids than anything else), solo spirituality, meditation…the list goes on a lot further than I would have thought. Through my own healing process, I have also become fairly well-read on the subject of suicide, both gaining an understanding of what can motivate someone to take their life as well as the healing process and challenges the surviving family faces.

Since many sites want a conversational style in the writing, I can truly say that my own voice and style are very conversational. So, what’s the problem? Why am I not getting this going?

Insecurity: The Biggest Killer of Inspiration and Creativity

That’s right, folks. It’s my very own, personal lack of confidence. In other words, I, myself am shooting me in the foot. Pretty stupid, huh?

I tried the Elance route but found that the jobs consistently went to people who had been on the site for awhile. That, alone killed my confidence as I felt I couldn’t compete against those who already knew how to play the game. So, how do I go about developing the skills to play with the big boys?

It all comes down to one thing, and something I’ve inadvertently been practicing by blogging and novel writing for the last few years. Practice. The only thing that will help me play in the big leagues and start getting paid for at least some of my writing is to suck it up and start pitching; to keep writing and building my portfolio; to listen to what others have learned as they followed a similar path to mine. But most of all, I need to stop stressing over how fast my nest egg is dwindling because I’m focusing on lack.

I know it on a conscious level, but seem to have been doing a lot of backsliding lately. So I am setting a new intention today. I am going to remind myself every day that I am grateful for everything I have and that what I have will always be enough. Plain, simple and to the point. I will close the door on feeling envious of anyone else’s life, stuff or anything else. As I said to a friend recently, so and so has a lovely figure but I wouldn’t trade my more round shape for what she’s gone through in her life. What that is doesn’t matter. I’m simply saying that we only see the outside of people’s lives. We don’t really know what challenges they’ve had to face. We are given our own challenges and develop our own strengths. Heaven knows, I’ve had enough lean years to have learned how to get by until things ease up again.

I am following a conversation in a Facebook group called The Careful Cents Club. A woman voiced what I’ve been thinking about insecurities and making my freelance gig work. I said that I’ve even considered looking for another accounting job, but when I think about it, I get sick to my stomach. She echoed those feelings. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my studies of spirituality and healing, it is that our emotions tell us what is good for us and what isn’t. A sick feeling in the stomach is the first sign that we need to turn around and reassess. For me, gut reactions are very clear, even when I’m drawing Tarot cards. When I come to the one I need to pull, I’ll feel a little twinge in my stomach. It’s not a sick feeling like the one I get when I consider going back to an accounting job, but more of a pull of excitement that says Yes! That’s the one!

What do you do when insecurity and fear of doing the wrong thing plague you? Do you have rituals? Do you talk to a certain person? Do you make lists of pros and cons? I’d love to hear how you work through those feelings and come out the other side with renewed resolve.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for everything I have. I am blessed with a roof over my head, food to eat, cats and friends to love and the best daughter a mother could ask for.
2. I am grateful for the bouts of insecurity which force me to step back, reassess and recognize when I’m being too hard on myself.
3. I am grateful for the ability to recognize that I alone am stopping my forward progress and I alone can fix it.
4. I am grateful for all of the words I’ve put on pages over the last few years and, in fact, through my entire life. Some may eventually reach publication while others are simply there to help me find focus or healing.
5. I am grateful for abundance: love, inspiration, like-minded souls, meditation, kitty love, friends, persistence, the ability to see the positive in everything, harmony, peace, health, prosperity and philanthropy.

Blessed Be

And now for some shameless self-promotion:
I’d love it if you’d visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and my website, www.shericonaway.com. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

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