As I watched Munchkin indulging in her favorite morning pastime, kneading my body pillow, I realized that the look of sheer bliss she gets on her face while doing so is exactly what I’m striving for.  Cats get that without having to go through a whole lot of angst to get there.  Give them a human who gives them pets, cuddles, a warm place to sleep and plenty of food and water, and they’re good.  Dylan has taken up a new practice lately as well.  He waits until I’m sitting down, then walks up my chest and just rubs his head and face all over my face, purring the whole time.  He, too, finds his bliss in simple things.  And therein lies the key.  It’s not the big house or the fancy car, the designer clothes or the expensive jewelry.  It’s the simple things.  A comfy chair, warm friendships, family, a beautiful day.  And here is where I struggle.  At this stage in my life, I have no really close friendships, one daughter is estranged, the other is annoyed with me because I am choosing to stop enabling her.  The rest of my extended family went away either after Mom died, or, those hardy souls who remained, after Dad died.  So, in those rare moments when I indulge in self-pity (wretched as that indulgence is!) I find myself wondering if anyone would even notice (aside from my cats) if I just disappeared?   So maybe I need to edit my list of “simple things on the road to bliss”?  How about this:  A library full of books, a lounge chair in a quiet place, a warm day with a slight breeze, my cats frolicking in the yard or laying on the warm ground at my feet, a laptop to capture the literary gems flowing freely from my brain.  Yes, that definitely brings a smile to my face!

Card of the day:  Ten of Pentacles (What an interesting pick after my little tirade above as this is the card of family and community)
I see a man, his wife and three young children behind whom stand his parents with he and his brother when they were young, behind whom stand the previous generation, slightly faded, and the impression that, if the card were larger, there would be past generations extending back a long ways.  The current family is surrounded by verdant green rose bushes, full of bright red blooms.  His parents’ bushes are faded and the blooms are pink, and as it goes back through the generations, the rose bushes become stars.  In the corner is a spiral, a symbol of the endlessness, a beginning, but no end, as the spiral continues to grow.
I feel:  Not only are we a product of what came before us, but we are also the future, what will come after.  The souls of our ancestors are always with us, guiding, teaching, protecting.  Even when we feel alone in the world, we need only pause for a moment and allow those ancestors to share with us their wisdom. I matter because I am part of the cycle and without me, the direction of the cycle would be entirely different.
I think: That despite the aloneness I feel right now, I really just need to go within to find that sense of belonging, of community that I am lacking at the moment.  It’s always been there, it always will be there because, unlike our human forms, it doesn’t die off and disappear.  Universal mind is always there but too often, we tune it out and don’t give it a chance to give us a message we need.

With all of the negative energy I was attracting this morning, I was able to turn it around and have a pretty decent day.  By the time I left work to go dancing, I got green lights all the way, and even though I wasn’t able to do as much dancing as I’d have liked, I visited with the regulars and did have a good time.  Arm and shoulder are still hurting some but I got over to Whole Foods and got some more Turmeric and it seems to be helping.  A little extra sleep won’t hurt either, and I only have to work until 12 tomorrow, and then I can come home and do some cleaning.  Looks like I may get my ferals this weekend so the rats aren’t long for this world.  I was in the garage this evening and heard one scampering around, and I’m still not sure that I’m not harboring kangaroos!  Talk about stomping around on very large feet!  No wonder they laugh at the traps.  They’re not big enough!  

And, despite what I was feeling this morning, I am connecting with people.  It just takes time to build relationships and I have time to work on it.  Meanwhile, I have a bunch of things to accomplish this weekend, so sleep is definitely the first order of business.  A little bit shorter post today, but I have to save all of my good stuff for my writing marathon in a couple of weeks!

Love and light.