I’ve been feeling very anxious and out of sorts today, and have even passed the feeling on to my poor, compassionate cats.  After ruling out dehydration and low blood sugar, I asked friends for ideas, and of course, my A.R.T. teacher indirectly reminded me to re-read the April forecast on the Power Path site, and specifically, the forecast for this time period.  After reading the following, knowing that I tend to feel moon and planetary changes a couple of days early, it all started to make perfect sense!

April 17-23: This is a window of the most intense time
especially April 20-23. This is a container of intensity that supports a
crisis energy that could manifest in many different ways. The most
likely way being that each person individually and then collectively
will be deciding on some level how they really wish life to be. Many
things they thought were real will end up being just an illusion. This
can create a crisis in the fabric of life, as we know it. Changing this
is a tall order as there are ways things have been done for many years
and sometimes for many generations. There is a collective agreement that
feeds a belief about how things are and how they will be and how they
can change or not. This is very limiting, as it does not allow for the
expansion into thinking or feeling differently.
We have an opportunity here, especially in this time frame, to really
reconsider our belief systems and be open to change, expansion, new
ideas and new experiences. Change is stressful especially in intense
times. Keep your feet on the ground and stay connected to what matters
to you the most. Take advantage of the gift of this portal we have that
provides the doorway into something brand new.

I also woke with a burning desire to make gazpacho, and since chopping veggies tends to calm me, I headed for the local farm to pick up most of the ingredients.  Little did I know that they do their Easter thing for the kids all week, and the parking lot was a zoo!  But I got a little extra exercise from walking further to and from the car, so it was all good.  All that remains is to do some dishes and put my yummy creation together.

My daily meditation didn’t do much to calm my crankiness, though it was peaceful with the cats in their usual places.  What did turn me around a bit was the simple process of making the gazpacho.  I guess it’s a bit like putting your hands in the dirt (which I could also do).  I did get some feedback from friends about sunspots and the intense releasing which occurs after an eclipse and full moon.

After reading some things which were offered to me, I learned that this is part of changes which began in October, which was when I reached my decision to make a career change.  Supposedly, I should be getting some signs about the changes I’ve made, letting me know if I’m going in the right direction.  At the moment, I’m just not sure.  I’ve been working on the copywriting class at the expense of editing or promoting my book, and I am having some doubts.  Hopefully, the next few days will give me something which will let me know if I’m going in the right direction or need to retrace my steps a bit.  For now, I’ll forge forward.  But today, I took time off from working on anything to do some things around the house and make soup!

Perhaps what I needed was exactly what I gave myself.  I now have a huge bowl of soup made from fresh from the farm ingredients.  It will sustain me for at least a week, and keep me from eating less healthy foods.  I did stock my freezer and cupboards with better choices, but when I get lazy, I tend to grab what’s easy.  Now, what’s easy and what’s healthy are one and the same!  That’s a win-win for me!

I’m still very restless and switch from one thing to another every few minutes.  I’m hoping that I’ll be able to settle into doing something in the next 24 hours or so, or I might just go bonkers!  (of course, I do have the option of going to the gym, and like the soup, it might be just what I need right now!)

At any rate, writing about my confusion and disorientation isn’t really helping either, so I’ll finish with my gratitudes (and there always are gratitudes), and put the fretting aside for now.

1. I am grateful for friends who help me understand when cycles get my goat.
2. I am grateful for quiet time with my cats.
3. I am grateful that I can be around people when I want to be, and alone when I don’t.
4. I am grateful for new tools which make it easier to prepare healthy, easy to grab meals.
5. I am grateful for times when I’m twitchy and confused because I know that when it’s done, I’ll have answers to questions I hadn’t even known to ask.

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