Surprise again!
Card of the day:  Princess of Pentacles
I see: A young girl kneeling in a field of flowers, a ring of daffodils surrounding her.  The yoke of her dress is a layering of leaves, and a circlet of daisies holds back her hair.  Her gaze is serious as she contemplates the large coin containing a pentagram which she holds aloft in her right hand.  There is a certain regalness and maturity despite her youth.
I feel:  This contradiction, serious yet youthful and curious, feels a lot like my inner self, struggling between honoring responsibilities and expectations, but yet, wanting to come out and play, to walk barefoot through a field of flowers, to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.
I think:  Although I try to keep my life in balance, the responsible side is taking up most of my time.  This seems to be confirmed by dreams of leaving jobs, accepting other ones, making less money or receiving large sums which don’t track with what I thought I would be seeing.  My focus is too much on money and not enough on things which are more important in life.  The fact that the coin in the card is larger than the girl’s head seems to make it more important than it’s real value when compared to friendship, compassion, experiencing the beauty of nature’s bounty and so many other things which pass through our lives, sometimes going unnoticed because our focus is elsewhere.  I’ve seen so often that if you do what you love, the money to take care of your needs and wants will come.  The focus, though, must be on doing what you love, not on the pursuit of the almighty dollar.  And to focus on what you love, the child must be allowed to come out and play.

Funny, I had to sit her for a bit when I go to the think part.  I looked at the card again asking myself “what DO I think?”  But once I got started, it just seemed to put itself together, a lot like my writing has felt lately.  It’s not so much what or how much I will write, but just getting the engine moving forward, then it seems to take care of itself.  I have a lot to say, but sometimes, I just have to dislodge some small obstacle before I can actually put into words what is going around in my brain or maybe, in my heart.  Is this what’s meant by “writer’s block”?

As usual, I do some of my best thinking while commuting.  As I was mulling over today’s ACIM lesson I realized that the concept was clear to me as a teenager, in slightly different words.  Instead of  “I have invented the world that I see”, we used to declare “You are a figment (or fig newton if we were being silly) of my imagination”.  It is surely true that wisdom belongs to the very old and the very young, both of whom see the world without blinders or expectations.

And another sign from the Universe as I was driving to work.  I’ve booked my hotel for Sedona on Mother’s Day weekend, but I’m still on the fence as to whether I’ll really go or not, so I haven’t booked a flight or a rental car.  As I was driving to work, the song “There Ain’t no Arizona” came on.  For those unfamiliar with the song, there’s a line which says “there ain’t no….painted desert, no Sedona”.  Now, the question is, is this a sign that I SHOULD or SHOULD NOT go???  Sometimes these neon signs are missing a few bulbs!

I’m seeing a lot of examples of synchronicity today.  It could be something simple like green lights all the way to work or a co-worker telling the Universe that she needs furniture for her new place, and someone driving up with a truck load of things they no longer want, a quote from the Secret about gratitude bringing you everything you want and need, tying today’s ACIM lesson into an experience from my youth, all the way up to something major like a chapter of my book writing itself (ok, so that one is yet to come!)  My point is that the more I ask for signs, and am exceedingly grateful for those signs, the more I am getting!  Another thing I’m noticing is that the people around me are a lot mellower these days.  Tension and stress levels seem to be abating and everyone is accomplishing what they need to AND enjoying life!   In short, I’m surrounded by an endless supply of positive energy!   I’m hoping I can pour some more on Heather who is starting to get tense about finals  (she seems to do this every semester, about a month before finals week, despite the fact that she’s keeping up with her classes and doing well on the tests.)  I’m happy that she’s gotten into the niche where she’s excited about where all of these “boring” classes are going to take her, but, my Mom-self worries about her making herself sick stressing over the tests.  I know she will do amazingly well because she’s been giving me lessons in all of this science stuff since she was about 6!  She even loves the bane of my Psychology existence, Mendel’s peas!  And heaven knows, they go much more in depth in a Biology class!  She’s using words that were not part of my educational experience.  I smile and nod and pretend I understand until she explains it to me in smaller words.  (I’m hoping that I’m helping her study by letting her explain this stuff to me, and even, on occasion, asking her a semi-intelligent questions)

I just noticed something interesting.  When I first started blogging, I had to turn off the music so I wasn’t distracted.  Now, I forgot to turn it off, and my mind is racing along anyway.  I tune it out when I need to, and flow with it when I don’t.  I guess, when putting my thoughts on paper (or screen, in this case) was not coming easily, I had to adjust my environment accordingly, but as things just start to flow and, in fact, I have only my lightening fast typing to thank for being able to keep up with the changes in topic (and the edit function to fix my typos and weird words later), things just don’t distract me any more, and, in fact, small brain re-directions just give everything a chance to percolate before moving on to something else.  Not that anyone would notice, but I’ve also changed my blogging methodology.  I get up early (most mornings) and do my ACIM lesson, then post a little into a new blog, I don’t publish it.  Then, throughout the day, I add things to it as they come to me until I finally hit the “Publish Post” button when I feel I’ve exhausted my day’s thoughts and ramblings.   I like doing it this way because I don’t feel obligated to get everything down in a small span of time, but can let thoughts flow into each other, sometimes just by re-reading what I’ve already written, until all sorts of ideas and thought bubbles are born.

I’m reminded of a line from a Brad Paisley song asking a woman if she thought he should end his song, then saying “me neither”.  But in this case, I will end this post so I’ll have something to say tomorrow.

Love and light.